Am I doing poorly in life?
I don't usually share all this but right now I just feel so defeated, I don't know what to do besides post about it.
I'm 30 years old. I have PTSD and a very low stress tolerance because of chronic anxiety.
I worked a decent job, full-time for years, and crashed because of the pressure.
Now I work an entry level job that isn't half as lucrative as what I used to do, I live with my parents who pay for most things, and my job is "independently contracted" which means I have no boss and I just show up to work as often or as little as I want. That may sound luxurious but it also results in me often just not working. It also means no benefits like insurance of any kind. I am not financially stable.
I keep telling myself that I will bump up my work load, little by little, until I'm functioning on the same level as I used to when I worked full time, then get a "real" job like back then. I have yet to prove that.
I spend every waking hour trying not to drink my depression and anxiety away because frankly I'm addicted to the temporary relief that alcohol brings me, although it just makes things worse in the long run.
When I was younger, I always thought I was so talented and would become something great by now. But talent does not equal skill. I fail to have basic lifestyle skills like keeping a schedule and managing low-grade stress that everybody in this world somehow deals with.
Lots of people have PTSD like me but they seem to not let it cause them to fall this short. I feel so depressed, useless, like a leech, and I worry about how I'm gonna survive when "mommy and daddy" are no longer around to save me. They are old. I should be taking care of them by now but instead they are taking care of me. I think I'm just a burden.
I'm 30 years old. I have PTSD and a very low stress tolerance because of chronic anxiety.
I worked a decent job, full-time for years, and crashed because of the pressure.
Now I work an entry level job that isn't half as lucrative as what I used to do, I live with my parents who pay for most things, and my job is "independently contracted" which means I have no boss and I just show up to work as often or as little as I want. That may sound luxurious but it also results in me often just not working. It also means no benefits like insurance of any kind. I am not financially stable.
I keep telling myself that I will bump up my work load, little by little, until I'm functioning on the same level as I used to when I worked full time, then get a "real" job like back then. I have yet to prove that.
I spend every waking hour trying not to drink my depression and anxiety away because frankly I'm addicted to the temporary relief that alcohol brings me, although it just makes things worse in the long run.
When I was younger, I always thought I was so talented and would become something great by now. But talent does not equal skill. I fail to have basic lifestyle skills like keeping a schedule and managing low-grade stress that everybody in this world somehow deals with.
Lots of people have PTSD like me but they seem to not let it cause them to fall this short. I feel so depressed, useless, like a leech, and I worry about how I'm gonna survive when "mommy and daddy" are no longer around to save me. They are old. I should be taking care of them by now but instead they are taking care of me. I think I'm just a burden.
