I wish I didn't feel like I had to come back here anonymously to be included.

I get why people got sick of me, but then again, a lot of you have accepted me and been good to me despite my lows.

So if I delete this account, I'm losing what I've built with people who saw me at my worst and didn't declare me worthless. That's the real stuff. That's what is important.

It is interesting how without really hiding, people who won't talk to me as Fox will talk to me as someone else. But are those the kind of people I want to interact with? Won't they just ghost me again if I show any signs of being imperfect?

But I also don't want to be seen as just my struggles anymore. I want to be included in the laughter and community again.

That's the story of my life online and irl, wanting to be silly with people of all kinds, but they've already labeled me and tossed me aside.

I know I have a really big heart, that's why things hurt so much. And my range of emotion and thought comes from a place of intelligence and deep thought. I'm not ashamed of myself. But I hate that's the reason I'm left out.