I was just shaking today

When my cousins came to my aunties place today, they were high off crack cocaine and im still in recovery from being a drunk and crackhead, i still get the urge to want to smoke with them when they come around, fk i swear my nerves were on high this afternoon, trembling and they smelled of whiskey 🙃 which im also in recovery. It was hard to get it together, i can tell from how they were acting ugh i just wanted to go on binge with them so bad... And hate to go back home to my aunties place to face them again if they are there. I really need to talk to my sponsor but shes not answering her... This whole fken situation has me jonesing. I am glad i left after my ride pickup me up, i was so close to just saying fk it.

I gave up everything, alcohol, drugs and cigarettes. I didnt go to no treatment or rehabilitation center, just did it on my own, but i do have MHW i talk to bc thats all i could afford rn bc im still climbing out of debt.