Surprisingly, when I am around anyone I want to get to know, I rarely will say the things I want to say...

There is/was this one girl. I loved her height, I loved her hair, I loved her voice, I loved her eyebrows, I loved her eyelashes, her lips, her smile... literally everything about her. I was obsessed. This girl had me stumbling so hard. I finally asked her if she wanted to go on a hike and at first she refused because she said she didn't really know me, but then she accepted. She ended up admitting she kind of had a crush on me too. She told me she thought it was unrealistic if we got together because she saw me as that guy who is out of her league. I thought that was so cute. I thought she was the most adorable human being I have ever seen. She wasn't controlled by lust and she had goals that I related with... spiritually and professionally. After our hike though, she told me flat out, she wasn't interested in seeing me again. I think I regret the things I didn't say over the things I did say because I kept myself in a shell because I was too worried what she would think of me and because of that I'm kind of suffering now.

Right after we went on the hike, I had 3 PRs at the gym. Now, I can't get her out of my mind and it's been about a month. And, so now I'm just focusing on the gym, focusing on my body, focusing on getting and staying on a realistic budget because sitting around wishing I had done something different is not going to help me at all. It's just that you care about someone and it's so easy for them to cut you out. It makes you question whether they really even cared about you as much as you cared about them. So, it's all probably for the best because what's the point of a non-reciprocated relationship anyway? It's kind of strange that these feelings are surfacing now. Right when it happened, I acted like nothing happened.

I guess the lesson learned is if you really care about someone, just tell them and don't worry if it comes off as cringe. I feel fried.