It's complicated

We feel ok but not ok.

We got away from the childhood trauma. We got away.

We are safe now.

But mom and dad are dead.

It's all hollow now.

No pain....but no joy.

Shoving comedian specials down my throat just to laugh genuinely. It doesn't work much.

Days pass by so fast now.

To what end I dont know. Dad died at 49. Mom at 68.

I don't want to die but I also don't know what to do..when I don't feel like doing anything.

I thought summer could inspire me. The sun.

But I feel the same.

I don't want to date, I don't want to leave my apartment, I don't want anything. Music isn't the same any more. Nothing is.

All I can think is, fake it till you make it?

So I laugh and pretend.

But its been a year now.

I just don't know.