my history part 2

College years — I was super excited to finally move out and live in a new city. I went through culture shock, season two. This time, it was because I came from a small town, and this new city where I studied was one of the big ones. I met a lot of new people from all kinds of backgrounds — and yeah, they had a whole new way of speaking too. College life... I became a very awkward person who really struggled socially. I didn’t feel confident about how I looked or the way I spoke, especially compared to my friends who seemed so cool and metropolitan. In my first year, I still felt kind of safe because I had six friends I knew would always sit with me in class. But things got tougher in my second year. I didn’t really have anyone I felt safe talking to. I had to put in extra effort just to make friends. Looking back now, I think I understand how people saw me back then. Outside of the whole friendship thing, I remember that in my second year, I started getting into the habit of drawing regularly — just for myself — for at least an hour a day, outside of my class assignments. During college, I also fell for someone again... and got rejected again. But that rejection became a turning point for me. I started becoming more active in improving my social skills. I joined communities outside of campus and kept building my skills. Slowly, I started feeling more confident socially. College was also the time I went through a unique experience — I don’t know the exact word in English... maybe “accompanied” or “supported”? Anyway, one of my close friends was dealing with suicidal thoughts. And for a while, I was kind of the one looking after him during his depression — staying up late to keep him from hurting himself, trying to cheer him up, contacting his parents, and talking to them about what was going on with their kid (my friend). Then came my final project — I got too ambitious with it. It ended up delaying my graduation. I was a year late, but I eventually got it done. I think I was motivated by one of my juniors who became a close friend — like, no way was I gonna let them graduate before me while I was still stuck. So yeah, I made it through, just a bit late. Oh right — I just remembered, during that delayed graduation period, I also worked at a studio. And even earlier in my college years, I already had a job. There was a long period where I didn’t get any allowance from my parents at all. I remember one time I ran out of money completely and had no idea how I was going to eat. One night, I had to pay for something for a school assignment, but I didn’t have enough money. I ended up crying while calling my mom, asking her to send me some.

My social life before and after graduating from college mostly revolved around Discord. A few months after graduation, I got a job offer in another city. A studio in the capital reached out to me to work there. That’s when my office job life began — meeting new people, working professionally. It was my first time actually working in a professional office setting. Honestly, I didn’t feel like I performed that well. I struggled a lot — my skill set wasn’t strong enough, I lacked discipline too. But I learned a lot there. In that new city, I often went out with some of my old college friends and also my new online friends. I didn’t stay at the job for a full year — I think it was about nine months? December, January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August. Yeah, after that, I moved back to the city where I went to college. I felt safe there. From that point on, I started getting into freelance work. I lived off the savings I had from my nine months of working. And yeah, I just focused on being busy with freelance projects. Honestly, I don’t even remember what happened between September 2023 and the end of November–December 2024, aside from work-related stuff.