Hiiii just a life story update

hi guys. I have yet to update this page for at least 2 months now.. so i think its time for a recap! So! Last time i was onto here i talked about a boy whom i went out once but didnt really like him.. 3 days later i just told him its better we stopped talking and he agreed although he was kinda sad but life moves on. Then, like 3 weeks ago i think? A guy messaged me and we started talking… that guy tho doesnt really have the best rumors going around. He went with someone who had hpv wouldn’t really trust him. But he was kind and nice whenever we talked although i didnt like him, i left him on delivered for hours and atp he had enough and sent me paragraphs saying im not trying. After that i felt bad and we went out, we made out and everything he even tried to get me to have sex with him…! I declined obviously i dont want to move on with a random guy that i dont even want. I want it to be special! Anyway, after that day i told him again that its better we stopped talking and he just said ok although he sounded upset. Now im just living life but honestly i think im having a crisis episode. Still not happy, no idea who i am, smoking everyday, alone in the house because my mom is doing chemo in another city. No idea what im doing with my life just going with the flow. Im so confused because im never happy!!! Never satisfied, i never have enough and im always searching for something that might never come my way or may not even exist. Honestly no idea where im going or what im doing. I hardly remember this past month. Got drunk a few times, arguing with my father again and again. Just a beautiful mess.