Single parenting~

Across the Middle East and North Africa, most parents are effectively single parents.

They are married, but one partner carries most of the responsibilities alone. The other simply enjoys the social benefits of having a family and the illusion of being in control.

It is not so different in other parts of the world. People often say that single parents aren't enough to raise a child, clueless to the fact that most relationships are, in reality, single parenting. And in many cases, it's even worse: the "parent" is a cellphone, or both parents are actually a danger to the child.

If you're a single parent, all that matters is that you do your best and put the kids first, irrespective of what people think. You're doing enough as long as you're doing your best.

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Notladylike

It's not so different here in many communities, including my own. I always remind myself of the idea of "being a good enough mother" when I'm feeling overwhelmed and her safety matters more to me than anything I might be feel about being in this situation.

Miram · 31-35, F

@Notladylike

I assume in heavily individualized contexts, it could be even more common for one parent to carry most of the burden. Maybe because team work as necessary component of building communities in general is approached differently.

Something else I have noticed, too many people wait for a child to break an ethical rule and be socially reprimanded to finally pay attention to it and teach them/guide them. That's not how it should be. But I guess because an emphasis on morals would entail spending more time with a kid, many would avoid it and just tend to the consequences and use fear based approaches.

Notladylike

@Miram yes the idea of circle of security is so simple yet so few take the time to learn this approach, embrace your child each time they return help them feel safe. Empathy first the rest will follow.
I’ve got a village of women I’m grateful for that love my daughter and are proud of her and connect with her.
Her father loves her of course too he is just absent and hyperfocused on work missing the moments that really matter. It’s not uncommon in our circle for this to be the case.

Miram · 31-35, F

@Notladylike

And part of me doesn't think it is anyone's fault that single parenting exists even in traditional home hierarchies.

It is how we designed and evolved civilization-wise. And it can only be changed to a more balanced state in a large scale level, if enough people care to change the course of the related variables that play a role in these contexts ,espacially the economics.

I am not saying that single parenting is wrong, I am saying it should only be an option not a forced reality. Freedom, just like in the other topic we are talking about, doesn't come with lack of options.