Single parenting~

Across the Middle East and North Africa, most parents are effectively single parents.

They are married, but one partner carries most of the responsibilities alone. The other simply enjoys the social benefits of having a family and the illusion of being in control.

It is not so different in other parts of the world. People often say that single parents aren't enough to raise a child, clueless to the fact that most relationships are, in reality, single parenting. And in many cases, it's even worse: the "parent" is a cellphone, or both parents are actually a danger to the child.

If you're a single parent, all that matters is that you do your best and put the kids first, irrespective of what people think. You're doing enough as long as you're doing your best.

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Ceinwyn · 26-30, F

I think you can say “single parents - you’re doing a great job” without trashing everyone else’s marriages. I don’t think you’ve met enough married couples to have any credibility to your opinion.

In most marriages the mother and father bring different benefits to the child, but they work together. Single parents have to try do it all. And there are good and bad examples of both family situations.

Miram · 31-35, F

@Ceinwyn

Drawing behavioral clusters doesn't need you to sample to the entire population. Not that my thread is a social study. I have met enough and I have seen enough instances to draw those conclusions.

Of course, there are instances of good parenting from both partners. My thread doesn't say they don't exist.

What it actually says is that the prevelance of bad parenting despite of being in relationships should be considered by those who discourage single parenting.

Take it in its entirety.

Miram · 31-35, F

@Ceinwyn

In most marriages the mother and father bring different benefits to the child, but they work together

You are drawing behavioral clusters just the same.

I think there is a general epidemic of difficult= less worthy of an endeavor. In some cases preserving a marriage does mean trying to do it all and have even more challenges than a single parent. That doesn't mean their choice is wrong.

But this nuance should at least be reflected on before attaching a negative connotation to single parenting and whether or not it is enough.

Do you understand what I mean here?

Notladylike

It's not so different here in many communities, including my own. I always remind myself of the idea of "being a good enough mother" when I'm feeling overwhelmed and her safety matters more to me than anything I might be feel about being in this situation.

Miram · 31-35, F

@Notladylike

I assume in heavily individualized contexts, it could be even more common for one parent to carry most of the burden. Maybe because team work as necessary component of building communities in general is approached differently.

Something else I have noticed, too many people wait for a child to break an ethical rule and be socially reprimanded to finally pay attention to it and teach them/guide them. That's not how it should be. But I guess because an emphasis on morals would entail spending more time with a kid, many would avoid it and just tend to the consequences and use fear based approaches.

Notladylike

@Miram yes the idea of circle of security is so simple yet so few take the time to learn this approach, embrace your child each time they return help them feel safe. Empathy first the rest will follow.
I’ve got a village of women I’m grateful for that love my daughter and are proud of her and connect with her.
Her father loves her of course too he is just absent and hyperfocused on work missing the moments that really matter. It’s not uncommon in our circle for this to be the case.

Miram · 31-35, F

@Notladylike

And part of me doesn't think it is anyone's fault that single parenting exists even in traditional home hierarchies.

It is how we designed and evolved civilization-wise. And it can only be changed to a more balanced state in a large scale level, if enough people care to change the course of the related variables that play a role in these contexts ,espacially the economics.

I am not saying that single parenting is wrong, I am saying it should only be an option not a forced reality. Freedom, just like in the other topic we are talking about, doesn't come with lack of options.

Coney

That’s a strong opinion. Which are you in your marriage…or have you not yet walked a mile in those shoes?

Miram · 31-35, F

@Coney

Which part is a "strong" opinion? And isn't it up to ME to decide which of my opinions are strong and which are open to change? Is it up to you?

I have had both, as I have mentioned several times in this site. I am grateful to be able to co-parent now. Yet I don't think of it the way others do. It is not always nor necessarily the better option.

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