My life is nothing.

I used to be able to make anything fun. I made everyone laugh at work. My son and I had a million little adventures and bunch of big ones too. We had a secure home life, I had energy and good health. But my son doesn't even remember those days, he barely remembers our van adventures. He doesn't even recognize pictures of me when I was healthy and smiling.

I did everything and I did it well. Now I'm just tired and bored. Burnt out and too worthless for anyone to befriend or love.

I'm really struggling to see what use I am at all.

The more depleted I become the less of a person I am. The less value I can fake at work and in friendships/relationships. And I just lied endlessly to myself believing people cared about us. I lied to myself with the positive attitude crap so I wouldn't fall apart, but lies are lies and they never hold up.

I know I sound like a whining wimp right now. I just don't care anymore. Positive energy or negative energy, I don't attract anything but more problems.

I keep going for my son, but most days I don't really want to. I'm losing and my sadness makes everything worse. I have done everything I possibly can to make our life beautiful.

But I'm not endless. And doing everything alone with zero support or care at all has deduced me to a zombie. I don't feel anything. I don't think as deeply. I just give and give and give and I don't even get hugs from my son because he's at that age I need to respect his space.

I am nothing but what I give and I've run out. My boy knows it too. He's bored too. I'm messing up his life by not being enough alone. It's all just a bunch of nothing. I couldn't fix it. I couldn't make it better. I tried so hard. I was so full. Where did I go? What am I now? Too useless to create anything but tears.

Go ahead and let the perfect people of SW laugh at me. Y'all mfers with love and support go ahead and laugh and tell me how I weak I am. I know.

BlueVeins · 22-25

Never make the mistake of thinking that the current trajectory you're on in life is the whole trajectory of your life. You're in a tough spot right now, raising a kid with little in the way of emotional and parental support, and yeah, of course that's going to take a toll on you. The fact that you're feeling this way isn't a reflection of who you are as a person. And this will end one day, either when you find some friends you can count on or when he's at least old enough to support himself. I won't pretend to know how to make things easier right now, but do what you can. And if things are still tough despite that, at least live with the knowledge that this is the worst of it, and brighter days are ahead.

I am nothing but what I give and I've run out. My boy knows it too. He's bored too. I'm messing up his life by not being enough alone.

Try not to let this get you down, OK? He's a teenage boy. It's really normal for him to kinda pull away from his parent at this age, sorta like you were saying. That's something to be proud of too, to an extent. To a child, a parent represents the safety and comfort they need to grow. He's developed to a point where he wants to go out into the world a little more and put what you taught him into practice.

Just my read on things, obviously I don't know your relationship well.