My life is nothing.
I used to be able to make anything fun. I made everyone laugh at work. My son and I had a million little adventures and bunch of big ones too. We had a secure home life, I had energy and good health. But my son doesn't even remember those days, he barely remembers our van adventures. He doesn't even recognize pictures of me when I was healthy and smiling.
I did everything and I did it well. Now I'm just tired and bored. Burnt out and too worthless for anyone to befriend or love.
I'm really struggling to see what use I am at all.
The more depleted I become the less of a person I am. The less value I can fake at work and in friendships/relationships. And I just lied endlessly to myself believing people cared about us. I lied to myself with the positive attitude crap so I wouldn't fall apart, but lies are lies and they never hold up.
I know I sound like a whining wimp right now. I just don't care anymore. Positive energy or negative energy, I don't attract anything but more problems.
I keep going for my son, but most days I don't really want to. I'm losing and my sadness makes everything worse. I have done everything I possibly can to make our life beautiful.
But I'm not endless. And doing everything alone with zero support or care at all has deduced me to a zombie. I don't feel anything. I don't think as deeply. I just give and give and give and I don't even get hugs from my son because he's at that age I need to respect his space.
I am nothing but what I give and I've run out. My boy knows it too. He's bored too. I'm messing up his life by not being enough alone. It's all just a bunch of nothing. I couldn't fix it. I couldn't make it better. I tried so hard. I was so full. Where did I go? What am I now? Too useless to create anything but tears.
Go ahead and let the perfect people of SW laugh at me. Y'all mfers with love and support go ahead and laugh and tell me how I weak I am. I know.
I did everything and I did it well. Now I'm just tired and bored. Burnt out and too worthless for anyone to befriend or love.
I'm really struggling to see what use I am at all.
The more depleted I become the less of a person I am. The less value I can fake at work and in friendships/relationships. And I just lied endlessly to myself believing people cared about us. I lied to myself with the positive attitude crap so I wouldn't fall apart, but lies are lies and they never hold up.
I know I sound like a whining wimp right now. I just don't care anymore. Positive energy or negative energy, I don't attract anything but more problems.
I keep going for my son, but most days I don't really want to. I'm losing and my sadness makes everything worse. I have done everything I possibly can to make our life beautiful.
But I'm not endless. And doing everything alone with zero support or care at all has deduced me to a zombie. I don't feel anything. I don't think as deeply. I just give and give and give and I don't even get hugs from my son because he's at that age I need to respect his space.
I am nothing but what I give and I've run out. My boy knows it too. He's bored too. I'm messing up his life by not being enough alone. It's all just a bunch of nothing. I couldn't fix it. I couldn't make it better. I tried so hard. I was so full. Where did I go? What am I now? Too useless to create anything but tears.
Go ahead and let the perfect people of SW laugh at me. Y'all mfers with love and support go ahead and laugh and tell me how I weak I am. I know.
