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It's horrifying that if I disappeared, the only person that would notice is my son.

You can find yourself, you can like yourself, but it doesn't mean you're likeable. I've been alone a long time and it's cool, I'm good, but it's not what I want for us.
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Its kind of sad I don't think anyone worry if I just disappeared. Maybe itd take 6 months, maybe around the holidays when there were less presents.

Sadly, I know how you feel.