These thoughts of removing myself from the world are coming back

Of devoting a five year in some place somewhere and just letting everyone forget about me and me forget about them and just.. I don't know.. train ..study.. just find something to get sucked into.
This life sometimes hurt.

I had dinner. Took beloved Fireball the cat outside the house as I got mad because he was throwing stuff and I was just seeing ticks crawling upon him and I found two today crawling upon me... And a third one on my bed. It's messy.
Anyways tomorrow's going to be good. A woman is about to drive me up with catfood, till the neighbours and from there I'll carry the food here. That'll give me some days off carrying and I want to go for a couple of excursions around.

I've been drinking lots of coffee and eating silly stuff and I am going to tackle this next.. I thought to myself, if I've managed to push a guy aside, I'll do the same with sugar, coffee, fat and soon I'll be feeling better too.
It's getting warmer too. Yesterday and for the first time since I arrived I didn't light up a fire. It wasn't very cozy as I've spent most of the time in my blankets but then, it's not that there's much to do...
So I'll carry less wood too and relax a bit.
I'm sleeping 9-10 hours daily the last days..

Ah also I did some exercise today with the help of a tree and I liked that.

Okay day's over ❤
I'll sleep soon..:)

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Matt85 · 36-40, M

I thought you were saying something else at first, glad to know you were just talking about a retreat.

Haha Fireball sounds like handful.

being · 36-40, F

@Matt85 I'm not talking about suicide but I'm not talking about a retreat either. It's these thoughts that, I'm letting aside but I do have them, of me becoming a devotee ..
I know this can be done towards a devotion to a certain idea or discipline or field, even a person ... But I'm having these extremities in mind, of going to a temple or school of sorts and simply focus onto something.

The world's like a funpark and a candie store, too many distractions...
But I'm just very careful with these thoughts.

It's easy to get silly enough and become part of some cult or organisation.
Uh I don't know what I'm thinking Matt

🧡

I got very angry with him last night, like he can't listen! Some cats can respect a boundary but Fireball cannot. I'm not happy with all the creatures crawling upon me in my bed buaaaa haha it's funny you know... Real, but funny too..

Matt85 · 36-40, M

@being tics are nasty little buggers. we had this little tool to get them off my dog. i think you can get sprays aswell.

Oh and learning, is always good. It just is good to make progress of some kind.