Last time kids were over, I lost my temper at someone (adult) doing something wrong.

And the kids saw and heard the hurtful things I was saying to him.

I felt so guilty they saw me being that mean and scary, and I worried it will always stay carved in their memories.

You can never tell what will leave a too lasting negative effect. I did explain to them that even my reaction was wrong. That people shouldn't be as aggressive as that. And we should show more compassion even towards those who wrong us, especially when we have more power than they do.

Yesterday, my nephew repeated the things I said about compassion while we were watching a movie. That was a relief.

I hope I never leave any of my darkness in their minds.

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Notladylike

I’ve had these moments too. I was chatting with a colleague recently and she reminded me it’s all about the repair. Something we probably never had growing up.
You did this when you explained your behaviour was wrong, we are human we make mistakes and there is a better way to manage things with kindness.
It sounds like you planted a seed that he listened too and remembered.
That safety you’ve created for them is enough. Don’t be hard on yourself.

Therealsteve · 31-35, M

Tell me about it. Right throughout my childhood my dad would intentionally overreact to stuff, putting on this act of disgust or anger, and make false claims about things. When I didn't know what was normal, felt too ashamed to ask about it due to his reaction (and not really knowing what to ask) and whilst my brain was still forming, to have an impact on me forever.

I worry that some of it effects my attitude toward things as an adult. It certainly resulted in me being confused, being taken advantage of, and not confidently pursuing things that could have been enjoyable times, as a teenager and young adult.

SinlessOnslaught · M

Hey, you did the right thing. You gave them an opportunity to witness an adult make a mistake, and admit it. I do believe that your nephew repeating your words is a good thing.

You made a mistake like we all do, but you corrected it in a very profound way and I believe this experience is a reflection of your character. The children will recognize that in time.

Miram · 31-35, F

@SinlessOnslaught

Compared to years ago, my switch off button is managed better, but it is nowhere near the healthy range in certain situations.

I go from incredibly nice and loving to dangerous in a matter of seconds. It is not always about angry words, detachement also, and kids can sense the coldness in my core. I cannot even look in their eyes when it happens. Because I don't want them to see that part of me.

Even grown ups have found that sudden detachment incredibly scary. And I don't blame them. It scares me too after the fact. And I can't always switch my ability to empathize on. It is just gone and I have to wait for it to comeback.

It is complicated because it is not just PTSD related. Stress in my work probably leads and contributes to my episodes.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@Miram Your struggle is complex but I'm dedicated to understanding it.

Nonetheless, be kind to yourself and remember this alone was a normal, human reaction and you handled it well. Even if there are other problems, just focus on that for a bit, for your inner peace. You need it.

Oceanfire · 41-45, M

The only thing that will stay in their minds is how awesome their aunt is : )

SW-User

We all lose our shit sometimes. The fact that you explained it to them is more human and helpful than most adults ever care to show children.

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Vetrov · 61-69, M

@Miram
I have been part of EP/SW for 20 years.
The last paragraph might be relevant a “bit”.
My avatar references Schindlers List 😔

Miram · 31-35, F

@Vetrov The last paragraph or the last question? i.e this:

Have you ever left hearts or positive comments on posts about punishing kids or any variations of that content?

I see. Thank you for reminding me of its origin, it puts things into a better and more clear perspective.

Vetrov · 61-69, M

@Miram

I meant that you can remove everything but the final paragraph, the rest never happened.
Physical violence from parents and teachers and community leaders and other kids was nothing astonishing for anyone in the 60s and early 70s.

Your parents were in their 40s…had been in the war as teens and 20 yo’s, every kids childhood was similar, better or worse.

The better the school you went to the more violence usually 😒

You were caned at school at home and in church 🥺

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