I remember once, after my mother drilled holes in the leather strap she would beat me with

I'm sorry you dealt with that. It's boggling how a parent could wish to ever mentally or physically hurt their child. And if it is severe, or happens year after year, (I experienced it for years) it changes your psyche as an adult. People like to say, Just move on or Forgive and go forward...but many get severe symptoms like PTSD. There are some people who are SADISTIC, and my mom is one. How could anyone say to another Just move on, from sadistic abuse????? It's similar to saying to someone who survived a concentration camp, ok just move on....

I think the only thing that is ever going to start to heal in me is myself REALLY understanding that abuse you deal with endlessly is NOT our fault. It's not right and it's not discipline or love. And somehow every person deserves joy and love and safety..showing ourselves compassion, even in minor mistakes too. It's called LIFE and we have a right to love🫂

Have they become gentler as they got older?

This is not asking if they've somehow become worthy of forgiveness or even basic respect. Some things go to far. But my wife's abusive (not to nearly the same extent) dad is a very gentle old man now who at worse is just crotchety and difficult. We're sacrificing a LOT for him nowadays.

That's great your figuring those things out, did you post to get more awareness?
It seems like she had high expectations for a young child to grasp her complex emotions.
Have you learned to forgive it?

That's truly heartbreaking. Nobody deserves this. I'm sorry

People who brutalize their children should lose them. 😞