Stories about my life, and inner life, today's thoughts
I've only slept 4hours last night and got my period this morning. Did a couple of things then went to work.
Seeing again that gay guy and observing, must be a trauma bonding. We discussed today, how I am leaving end of February and he said he will be leaving then too for another shop as he isn't much happy in this one.
It's funny how life works and just brings me a person, sort of carrier, to sooth my transformation. And perhaps I'm something similar for him.
I'm happy I've met him and the rest of the people there. It's less lonely sometimes, to just having a job that provides you with companions, than roaming the world by oneself... I've been telling him stories from my trip today and while I was narrating them all, I thought again of how lonely I've been.. and not, as there were plenty of people..but also not, I was by myself.
I'm close to finishing the book I'm reading.
In the morning I went and read at a nearby café. The owner is a heavy, strong man who likes to preach about strength and positivity.
I was met with another man too, an older acquaintance who insisted on talking to me about self love.
They both made me feel miserable, as if they were projecting upon me an image of the weak and aloof girl who needs therapy. I'm sure I've been fulfilling that image in the past. I sat with my eyes closed and breathe through what I felt as rejection.
I didn't feel much welcome.
I know these things are silly, but also are not.
I'm learning that, when I talk to myself about the need for something, I'm imposing the lack of it.
Enough.
I'm happy now:) my nieces came over and my 9year old niece is sleeping on the next bed.
When you don't have children you lack of this sweet energy and hope they radiate and you have to do the whole work by yourself.
This a theme I keep on meeting with, that I need to do everything by myself. I'm tired 🥱
Thank you for your company 😊
Seeing again that gay guy and observing, must be a trauma bonding. We discussed today, how I am leaving end of February and he said he will be leaving then too for another shop as he isn't much happy in this one.
It's funny how life works and just brings me a person, sort of carrier, to sooth my transformation. And perhaps I'm something similar for him.
I'm happy I've met him and the rest of the people there. It's less lonely sometimes, to just having a job that provides you with companions, than roaming the world by oneself... I've been telling him stories from my trip today and while I was narrating them all, I thought again of how lonely I've been.. and not, as there were plenty of people..but also not, I was by myself.
I'm close to finishing the book I'm reading.
In the morning I went and read at a nearby café. The owner is a heavy, strong man who likes to preach about strength and positivity.
I was met with another man too, an older acquaintance who insisted on talking to me about self love.
They both made me feel miserable, as if they were projecting upon me an image of the weak and aloof girl who needs therapy. I'm sure I've been fulfilling that image in the past. I sat with my eyes closed and breathe through what I felt as rejection.
I didn't feel much welcome.
I know these things are silly, but also are not.
I'm learning that, when I talk to myself about the need for something, I'm imposing the lack of it.
Enough.
I'm happy now:) my nieces came over and my 9year old niece is sleeping on the next bed.
When you don't have children you lack of this sweet energy and hope they radiate and you have to do the whole work by yourself.
This a theme I keep on meeting with, that I need to do everything by myself. I'm tired 🥱
Thank you for your company 😊
