I've sent a message to a woman in Croatia yesterday,at the little place I'll be soon,asking a few questions and she replied with a very sweet message.

The whole thing, her immediate sweetness, scared me and I didn't reply till this morning because of it.
I grew discerning regarding her motives.
I asked if there would be a possibility for me to offer some Qigong and Bagua classes for the three months I'll be there and she is building a huge dom, one of these structures and holding women circles and retreats and all that.
I've been much hurt in healing and spiritual communities like that and I am now very cautious.. towards their openness and kindness..

I will be living in a remote room in a cats sanctuary and volunteering there but I thought to reach out as perhaps it'd be too much of isolation for me.
So I thought I'd suggest to do some classes as an easy way to add something to do, make a little bit of money and meet some people.
But this level of welcoming felt unsafe. I see now, this is something that scares me in all women and not just her. The assumption of how we're buddies, or loves, or sisters, without prior contact....
I'm feeling unready for this level of love and also I'm feeling unsure wether that's real or faked ..
Very hard to tell but nevertheless I got to trust my gut. If I'm not ready or she's not ready it doesn't matter as long as a feeling of premature is there.
Perhaps even Love needs some maturing.

I've grown up in the Christian community and this is confusing me much. I was shown how to be open to love and meet others in Christ's Love.
But there're no women in this love. Literally none. A virgin mother is not even a real woman. And there's no Divine woman there.

I'm flipping subjects now I know.

Just being myself
🌹