Live your life
I feel like these past couple months changed my life forever, but I am still trying to figure out if it's for better or worse.
I ignored a lump I had on my right arm for a year, thanks to my younger brother, I finally decided to get it checked out. With each test the result got worse and worse... I went from having a little lump to "It might be something serious, we need to look more into it, we need more tests, you have a tumor, based on the tests we've done so far it looks like it might be cancer, it's in a difficult spot, we may have to amputate your arm.."
I don't think words can describe how I felt receiving all these news, just it all seem like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. I would dream about how it was all a false alarm and I am all good, then wake up and wish I could have just kept living that dream forever.
Luckily, the results of the biopsy came out, and it was not cancerous. Those the doctors thought it was strange, saying based on the scans and all, it looked cancerous, so they wanted to do a second biopsy, this time taking a bigger chunk out of the tumor to further examine it. Tho they were confident it wasn't cancerous, they just wanted to be a 100 percent sure. The second biopsy was 2 weeks ago, I still have a week to go before the results come in, but things are looking pretty good I think.
Anyways, going through this puts so many things into perspective for me, things I cared and worried about, my fears, my goals, ambitions... All changed. I use to think I was a failure for not being able to move out of my parents house, get a good job and etc, but now, tho I still care about those things, they aren't my prime motivation. I wanna feel stuff, I wanna be so comfortable I get bored, cause as crazy as that sounds, it's a great feeling, boredom is relaxing. I wanna be happy and see people happy, even when I get mad playing videogames, I enjoy that feeling, because it's incredible to be able to feel that.
Another thing I noticed, I had decided I wasn't gonna post anything about this on my Instagram until I had the final results. When I finally did, there were people I hoped would pop up, who didn't, and others who I didn't expect would care, but they actually did. Those who we care for the most, may not care as much for us, and it's sad it took something like this happening to me to know just how little, the ones I cared for most, cared about me. If the situation was the other way around, I know would wanna be there for them, or at least asked "What happened?"
Anyways, all I am trying to say is, care less about building and creating things, and more about enjoy the things you already have, cause when the end comes, you are t gonna wish you created more, but you will wish you felt more.
I am not saying "Jump off a bridge so you can feel some adrenaline"
I am saying "If what you are doing right now is watching a movie on your phone at home alone, enjoy that, know just how special that is, and own it, every little thing, enjoy it, no matter how simple or small you might think it is"
PS: And Fuk those who don't give a shit about you 😁
I ignored a lump I had on my right arm for a year, thanks to my younger brother, I finally decided to get it checked out. With each test the result got worse and worse... I went from having a little lump to "It might be something serious, we need to look more into it, we need more tests, you have a tumor, based on the tests we've done so far it looks like it might be cancer, it's in a difficult spot, we may have to amputate your arm.."
I don't think words can describe how I felt receiving all these news, just it all seem like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. I would dream about how it was all a false alarm and I am all good, then wake up and wish I could have just kept living that dream forever.
Luckily, the results of the biopsy came out, and it was not cancerous. Those the doctors thought it was strange, saying based on the scans and all, it looked cancerous, so they wanted to do a second biopsy, this time taking a bigger chunk out of the tumor to further examine it. Tho they were confident it wasn't cancerous, they just wanted to be a 100 percent sure. The second biopsy was 2 weeks ago, I still have a week to go before the results come in, but things are looking pretty good I think.
Anyways, going through this puts so many things into perspective for me, things I cared and worried about, my fears, my goals, ambitions... All changed. I use to think I was a failure for not being able to move out of my parents house, get a good job and etc, but now, tho I still care about those things, they aren't my prime motivation. I wanna feel stuff, I wanna be so comfortable I get bored, cause as crazy as that sounds, it's a great feeling, boredom is relaxing. I wanna be happy and see people happy, even when I get mad playing videogames, I enjoy that feeling, because it's incredible to be able to feel that.
Another thing I noticed, I had decided I wasn't gonna post anything about this on my Instagram until I had the final results. When I finally did, there were people I hoped would pop up, who didn't, and others who I didn't expect would care, but they actually did. Those who we care for the most, may not care as much for us, and it's sad it took something like this happening to me to know just how little, the ones I cared for most, cared about me. If the situation was the other way around, I know would wanna be there for them, or at least asked "What happened?"
Anyways, all I am trying to say is, care less about building and creating things, and more about enjoy the things you already have, cause when the end comes, you are t gonna wish you created more, but you will wish you felt more.
I am not saying "Jump off a bridge so you can feel some adrenaline"
I am saying "If what you are doing right now is watching a movie on your phone at home alone, enjoy that, know just how special that is, and own it, every little thing, enjoy it, no matter how simple or small you might think it is"
PS: And Fuk those who don't give a shit about you 😁
