Why do we want comfort from our abusers?

I've engaged in it in the past and I won't again, now that I actually do care about myself.

But it's annoying feeling my brain sends to me. I want hugs from him and for him to say he's sorry and it was a mistake

I don't ACTUALLY want that, and I think if I saw him I'd panic or throw up, but it's awful our brain sends us those signals

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SW-User

I've tried to explain this to my therapist before.. The only way I can explain it, is that it's like an addiction. You know it's bad for you, you know you should leave, but you still crave the "high" that you have whenever things are good with them. At least with my ex, whenever we were good it was SO good, or maybe it just seemed like it because of the high contrast to how bad it would get. And when you're in a bad place, it's easy to remember the last time you were happy with them and crave that feeling back. Because you're in so much pain, and because of the abuse and hot/cold games, you're convinced that they are the only one that can make you feel better.

It's a trauma bond. When I was with my ex, I didn't care about anyone else when he made me feel bad, I only wanted him to show me love and for us to be "good again". ALSO because he always made me feel like it was all my fault, like I fucked up, so I felt like I had to fix it. So finally getting that hug and told that I'm "loved" from him, made me feel a sense of relief in a way.

It's fucked up.

caccoon · 36-40

@SW-User I totally relate to this. I was in a bad abusive relationship years ago and I can feel the things you're describing 😔😔

SW-User

@caccoon I'm sorry🥺 It's good that we're away from those people 🥺