Why do we want comfort from our abusers?

I've engaged in it in the past and I won't again, now that I actually do care about myself.

But it's annoying feeling my brain sends to me. I want hugs from him and for him to say he's sorry and it was a mistake

I don't ACTUALLY want that, and I think if I saw him I'd panic or throw up, but it's awful our brain sends us those signals