Write 3 lines of what is going on in your life now

A. I'm nervous about going in to have a small cyst in my stomach looked at. :(

B. Trying to find a job

C. Trying to raise money for my sister's horrible neuropathy

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Rudboy41 · 41-45, M

A: i feel stuck in life, i am stagnating. My career, lovelife, personal life are all still in one place( basic salary, no gf, been renting same flat for 7yrs) and i'm trying to awaken my sleeping giant to help me.

B: i am 41 and going through a midlife crisis, depressed about #A, i would like to go to therapy but i and cant afford it. So im busy trying alternate self-help with zero-to mild success. I am even trying to read 1st year psychology books to try become my own therapist :(

C: At the end of the month i look forward to going to an "healing/awakening ceremony" i am desperate to try and help my mental state. At least my stuckness is my only problems, my health is okay for now (besides being pre-obese level overweight)

Ps: if my reply gets copy-pasted into the AI i will reply with a Zen Koan, lets see if AI can crack philosophy puzzles. Tibetan Zen masters watch out your jobs are in danger, lol

Baybreeze · 41-45, F

@Rudboy41 Do you have health insurance? Most here cover some therapists visits..but some wont accept insurance and its out of pocket. My insurance does cover a selected amount of therapist for a weekly visit. But the one Im with barely says anything. She doesn't really give me tips for challenging my constant negative thoughts about myself 🙁

Rudboy41 · 41-45, M

@Baybreeze in South Africa consumer(excludes criminal/psychiatric/emergency) mental healthcare is a luxury, im affraid i dont earn enough to afford a medicare subscription. I am thinking of saving up for like two sessions but it takes awhile before a therapist understands your case properly so im not really gonna bother.

I read a book called "how to be your own therapist' by Patricia Farrell which was more of a critique on consumer therapy than a how-to guide and i agree with her point about private psychologists trying to get into your hot tub with you, i certainly experienced that with my last therapist years ago, she was essentially just a source of comfort and i was a source of income.

Im gonna keep trying with the idea of separating my stronger(learned) self from my problems and it trying to help my weaker self, kinda like a phantom parent. And at the same time im keen on trying the more esoteric or spiritualist avenues to assist with 'emptying my mind' so that i can hopefully find/relearn better ways of being me and hopefully become a successful human being one day.

Baybreeze · 41-45, F

@Rudboy41 I'm sorry the therapists are not more readily available/covered. I do hope they start to incorporate covering them, b/c so many DO need a good therapist, and it is NOT cheap. How can a regular person afford 100 bucks a week??? i def. cannot. But while I'm grateful I'm with a therapist, again she barely says anything and nods a lot, like you mentioned . And one time I had a light bulb moment on my own (b/c I'm the only one ever really talking ), and I had been really grappling however. Really a tough issue, and she knew it. then she said, 'oh nice! I"m so glad you said that and realized that! I was watiting and saying, I think she's going to get it soon!' So she knew for a while I was really struggling with this fear, and didn't say anything aBOUT what to do with the fear, how to heal it, nothing. JUst was waiting for ME only to come up with an idea. That isn't true therapy in my mind... even though she is very kind. I am grateful for that, and she never judges me... I am very grateful. MY last one went to say a lot on anxiety, which is great, but then flipped on me one day and said, 'You talk a lot about such and such... I am a CBT therapist. ' meaning she didn't want to at all talk about my fears and past. It felt awful. I almost walked out b/c she looked like she was about to yell at me too. I felt SO uncomfortable. I do NOT need a judgemental therapist you know? I am sure you will find something soon, whether a book, or YouTube channel...

You know what did help some of my anxiety for a bit? An author named Byron Katie. Her books are REALLY good. She used to have debilitating, crippling depression. Now she is at peace, calm, happy, all from ONE thought she had, once. She never felt fear or depression again. It's like her 'mind hit a wall' she said. Check out 'I Need Your Love, Is it True?' by her. It is eye opening. AND she has videos that are wonderful on YouTube, and her own site, thework.com . Go to the videos section at thework.com ... really interesting , thoughtful, healing material, on all issues.