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I have an older cousin who was killed by his father

This cousin was my dad's age so I didn't grow up with him. I grew up with his kids. He had 3 sons & a daughter, all around my age. The boys got bullied in school so every time I came to town, they came to me & I fought their bullies for them. I always made sure everyone knew not to mess with my family. Even when it was kids much older & I had to pull knives on them.

I remember one night in middle school, they told me some older kid was picking on them. I stayed the night at their house that night to help them get revenge. We drank a bunch of their dad's beer then we went out that night & egged the bully's house then broke all the windows.

Obviously it woke that whole family up so they came out & we hid while they called the cops. We stayed in trees across the street until the heat died down then we crawled out & went back home.

When I got back home the next few days, I got the news that my cousins' father had been killed. He got in an argument with his own father, so his father stormed outside, grabbed a shotgun, came inside & blasted him in his own home... with all my cousins present. They had to watch their own father bleed out in their home.. killed by their own grandpa.

I can't imagine that feeling... my dad abused us & I never had a grandpa. Idk how I would've felt in that situation. But that shit hit me so deeply because I loved my cousins. I saw how much that broke them & I saw how hard it was for them to hold it all together after all that. Their mom was gone in drugs... Just like mine. So they had nobody else. They moved in with their grandma until they grew up.

We're all adults now. Most of them have kids & it makes me happy to see them smile & carry on because I saw them all at their hardest. It makes me happy to see them brag about their families, show off their hobbies, talk about their father with pride & hold up his picture in family photos. They turned out amazing despite that tragedy.

Idk.. I'm still drinking rn & kinda lost in memories but I'm kinda happy that throughout all the fucked up shit this life has to offer, we still live on. Even when it all falls apart... Life still continues. It's pretty messed up but beautiful that we get this chance to be here & feel things: Love people, feel regret, apologize, & heal.
It's sad how many people don't take that opportunity
kentex35 · 100+, M
You are wise beyond your years. May peace be with you brother
Keep a sense of humor nobody is getting out alive anyway
@kentex35 thanks man. I do keep my sense of humor pretty well at least 😅 sometimes I wonder how
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
Man your family has been through so much trauma. 🫂
I'm happy to hear your cousins sound to be thriving in adulthood.
@Starcrossed I messaged the oldest cousin shortly after writing this just to tell him I'm happy to see him smiling in all his pictures lately. He lives a few hours away but I gotta catch up again
Notladylike · 36-40, F
Yep so true. There really is nothing so bad that you can’t come back from, not that it’s easy
@Notladylike I've said this before.. but I've lost everything many times in my life. Literally everything. Life is the only thing we can't get back
Nevaeh0081 · 36-40, F
Beautifully said.

Good share.
@Nevaeh0081 thanks. I just feel really reflective on life sometimes. I look back at it all in amazement... Like how the hell did we all make it through, y'know
Nevaeh0081 · 36-40, F
@ChiefWalksWith40oz Definitely. It's amazing how we can learn to adapt to life. Takes a lot of strength to live.
@Nevaeh0081 [quote]Takes a lot of strength to live.[/quote]

Very true. I often see people get called cowards after suicide.. I very much disagree with that. Many of us have tried to take our lives before, including me. One thing I know is it's a very hard decision to take your life... But it's also a hard decision to live.

If you ask me, suicide is kinda courageous... because it's so hard to take that step. Not saying it's a good idea... But like you said, it takes a lot of strength to live. Sometimes we underestimate that
Viper · M
Possibly you just explained the meaning of life

Please be well
@Viper thank you man. You be well too 🙏
iamonfire696 · 36-40, F
I am sorry you and your family have gone through so much.

Very well said 💗
iamonfire696 · 36-40, F
@ChiefWalksWith40oz I didn’t have one for the longest time but thought I would add that into it.

Exactly! I don’t want to hurt people here and I would like to help people but I won’t go out of my way anymore for people here.
@iamonfire696 maybe I'll make one if I figure out what to put in it lol. I'd probably do something similar to yours.

But same. I only wanna help people, listen & be heard. Plus joke around a little. I have no energy for matching anyone's negativity
iamonfire696 · 36-40, F
@ChiefWalksWith40oz I like to joke too but I won’t be part of peoples toxic issues. If you are going to take your issues out on me, I will call you on.

I am glad your family is doing okay despite those challenges.

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