Just entered 30 and Ive lost my passion for life. Is there better moving forward?

So I just turned 30 and I wqs kinda exicted to enter a new era. My whole life its just been miserable since i can remember my soul has just never felt at peace in life. But being younger I tried to push and do everything I can to succeed but nothing worked out the way i wanted it then bam 30 Im single childless jobless and still having to deal with stupid enenmies. And im asking my self can life get better. Im a good person believe that karma can reward me a good life but the way i feel.every night is just killing me. I feel miserable in my situation in this world with everything people food the air that i breath im exhausted and lost that passion.
I try every day i really mothwrfucken do to be postive and try and manifest the life that i want, i dont know what i do wrong and i just feel frustrated.
I think the worst feeling is that i look at ppl my age and they still young and lovely and i feel old and broken and tired. The worse part i think is rhat i cant find a true love soulmate to share my life with.
Since i was 6 years old all i ever wanted was to get married and have kids and a family of my own and i tried and dated many trolls and just bam im still single. I havr tried to lower my standards honest to god but my heart pains so much that when there is no spark or connection and i just dont know how to please it anymore. I feel sad and miserable but every I really to try and fight and change my life.
I feel so frustrated in my life i wonder if it will ever go away. Since I was so young I just felt unhappy and frustrated but growing up I tried to g8ve myself happy life experiences but life just got fucked up and i really lost passion for it even to get married and have kids etc. I wish every day that i do something right that just pushes the right energy i need to change myself.
I cant sleep at night, my body will be at rest but the whole night i can hear myself think.
I find weed used to relax me but i gave it up because my stomach had some issues but ay theis anxiety and worry in life is killing me.
Want i really want is a better life for mt family a happier than prosperous life, i want peace in my soul and with my gods.
I want the enemies who hurt my family and do they tricks to suffer and die right now i wish that god would take them away has fast has lightning.
I feel disappointed because there is this consultant that I go to and have beeen going there for the lasr 8 years but I feel that he didnt take the situation seriously and played fools with me and fucked up everhthing. But i really put trust in him trustimg rhat his older that he knows what his doing but he fucked it up and im tired and honestly dont want to go back just because im tired of the same old situation and energy and i just want to take a break and move on in my life.
Everyday I fight for a better life to for myself and family
But honestly I fight just to stay alive . To not end my life but to think that this is it. I honestly dont know.
Why does God universe whatever fuckjen higher power just help me i feel they all usleess in thw major things i need in life. But im tired of it i feel.like my soul is broken and every new week that starts i have to carry it and im just fuckrn tired of this life sonce im 13 years old all.i ever wanted to do.was kill myself and i should have done it so i idnt have to experience this miserable shit in my life. Anyway im still tryimg to fight and heal and reach a place where my soul just stops fucking paining.