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Think about where/who you were when you first came to SW

Now think about how far you might've come since then... How much have you changed?
You don't have to read the rest of this just think about that.

Me, I used to tell occasional stories like I do now, except back then it wasn't coming from a place of reflection. I was still in the middle of it during the times I talked about it.

I talked about putting a guy in the hospital for stealing my little brothers bike once. I talked about beating a guy up in front of his son until his son's screaming stopped me. I talked about beating a guy up for saying he hated my dog then running from the cops & doing waaay too many drugs. Once I even talked about putting a knife to a dudes throat after he tried to rob my mom until he realized who she was. I didn't cut him I only scared him a bit 馃し

Theres more but that was years ago when I told all those stories. I wrote about them the same night, or the night after it was all happening. I remember when people would comment on them, it went one of two ways. Either they wished me well & were hopeful for me... or they'd hate me & tell me that I was promoting drugs & violence too much. I wasn't very liked back then 馃槓

I was never really here to promote drugs or violence I was mainly just venting or just talking about things I couldn't in my normal life. Somehow writing helps me sort things out in my head.
The difference between now & back then, is now when I talk about my life I'm reflecting & learning from it. Whereas back then, I wasn't really learning yet, I was still in the middle of it all. I probably just seemed like a dumbass kid who was throwing life away & didn't give a shit. Which I was 馃し

I guess sometimes we gotta remind ourselves how far we've come. I always feel like I'm behind or like I haven't accomplished anything. But back in 2016/17, I was still in the streets. I couldn't see myself getting away from all that. I've accomplished a lot since then, done things I never thought I'd do, both good & bad. I've let people down at times, but I also made people proud of me. I've made myself proud 馃檹 I've done a little of everything & nowadays all I wanna do is understand my mistakes & figure myself out. Because that's how we grow 馃尰

I've hurt a lot of people in my life & sometimes I feel like I don't deserve all the chances I've had... I feel like I didn't even deserve to survive sometimes but I'm grateful I'm still around.

As long as we're still around we still have a chance
Queendragonfly31-35, F
I've been here a week soon and what has changed is I have learned to post images and polls and I'm still figuring out how to post gifs.
Queendragonfly31-35, F
@ChiefWalksWith40oz I've tried but so far without sucess 馃
@Queendragonfly oh, also the gifs have to be under 10mb. Which is kinda annoying sometimes 馃槄

Here's me eating a taco 馃槍

Queendragonfly31-35, F
@ChiefWalksWith40oz Very interesting. 馃槀 Hmm under 10 MB alright. 馃
calicuz51-55, M
What you talk about my friend is maturity, and it sounds like you are figuring things out just fine. Maturity is growth, growth is understanding what we did wrong and not do it again, or at least begin a path to not do those things again.
@calicuz yeah sometimes when I do something wrong, I'm kinda shocked at myself like "how could I do that?" & it sucks but I've learned that I gotta really dig & understand why I made that mistake, what led me there, & what emotions need to be handled better so that it doesn't happen again. None of us are perfect we're just the results of our own lives & we gotta figure that out
PoeticPlay51-55, M
I am glad that you posted this Chief.
I have some really good people on my side who only know the man that I have become in these past 4 years. And have watched and helped me through a lot of incredible pain and loss and sorrow and confusion.

I awoke this morning to this surprising thought, "Well I still have another chance that they have given because they believe that I have a better future coming. So let's get after it."

Lean into the work that is building a new future. Using the strength that pulled you out of the destruction of your past.
@PoeticPlay yeah exactly. It's crazy how we can feel so hopeless sometimes, but every now & then we get lucky enough to have people who are there & who believe in us. As long as we're still breathing we always have another chance to build 馃憣
PoeticPlay51-55, M
Build?! 馃槼
I haven't blown something up in such a long time. 馃槙
I'm tunneling through HELL.
I used to right poems until s w deactivated my personal groups i imported from e p.im not here much at all anymore
@KimmyGary how dare they deactivate your groups 馃槷 shitheads. But cool you were able to import your stuff. Back when this place opened I had my EP files downloaded but it never let me import it
@ChiefWalksWith40oz they did it to all e p groups
@KimmyGary oh yeah I know 馃槄 but how dare they 馃槧
Starcrossed41-45, F
I'll point out that I've observed a difference in your increasing self reflection and personal growth you've gone through in the past near year I've gotten to know you.
@Starcrossed thanks 馃 it helps once you're kinda tired of just repeating the same cycle. There's gotta be a way out eventually
I took this place more seriously. Then I woke up. lol
@Lilymoon waking up sucks. I'd rather stay asleep 馃槄
LordShadowfire46-50, MVIP
When I first came here, I was fresh off Yahoo! Answers, and argued religion here the same way I had there. Given the atmosphere from which I had just come, I came off as abrasive and hateful, and a lot of folks blocked me and reported me for what had been acceptable behavior on Yahoo.

I also feel like I've made some progress, albeit agonizingly slow, in the anger management department. I still flip out when folks press certain buttons, but I'd like to think I'm making progress. I still don't back off and take time outs when I'm enraged, and I beat myself up for it.
@LordShadowfire yeah I don't even bother with topics on religion or politics or things like that around here 馃槄 people's opinions are too strong, they won't change, & all it does it upset people into arguing 馃し it's rare to have a simple conversation about it.
That's good you're trying not to fly off the handle though 馃憣 it's not even worth it around here tbh
This message was deleted.
@keeper yeah a lot of people do put too much on time & energy into finding things to be bothered by 馃槄 I find it's easier to just not give a damn

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