My mom left when I was 5 & my dad became abusive afterwards

Even though I was only a kid, I knew they were better off apart. I watched them fight frequently & it was normal to me. Even the cops showing up asking me questions was normal to me.

I still remember the last thing before my mom left, was her asking me if I'd rather live with her or my dad. I chose her. She just cried. Then the next day when I woke up she was gone. I used to ask every day when we could see our mom again & our dad would always just say no.
Turns out our mom was on meth & our dad gave her a choice. Drugs, or us 🤷 so that's why she left. She chose drugs.

Everything was tough for a while, our dad did everything alone until he met another woman. That's when we started getting beat because that woman was evil & she hated us. She would lie to our dad or tell him to hit us & he just listened to her. All the shit she did & made him do... He didn't even ask questions or talk to us. He just took her word. When they split up I remember me & my siblings celebrated that whole night. It was like being set free finally after all those years.

I carried that anger & sadness my whole childhood & I didn't even realize it back then. I missed my mom & I still loved her no matter what. & I loved my dad too but I was mad at him. How could he put some bitch above us? & I rarely call a woman a bitch but I call it like I see it. That woman is the reason we got treated like shit & I was mad at my dad for being a bitch too & never standing up for us. Due to that, I would NEVER put anyone's word above my children's. They will ALWAYS come first to me. I'd kill to protect them from the kind of shit I had to go through.

I always viewed my life as normal, because to me, that was my "normal". As an adult, I realize how messed up it all was.
I have a good relationship with my dad now as an adult. We have difficulty talking sometimes but we're okay. My mom... Idk rn. We haven't spoken for a year. I miss her but she's always back & forth on the drugs 😔 for a while I would give her shit for it, then I learned to just let it be. But now idk what to say anymore. So I walked away.

I really fucking miss my mom though. I think about her often. I have her name tattooed on my wrist & she was so happy when I first showed her the tattoo. I got it because I wanted her to know that I'll always love her no matter what.
I don't even know why I'm writing this. I've written about all of this here before. I just... I love my parents because I'm a forgiving & understanding person but I wish I knew what it was like to have grown up normal.

Sad thing is there's a lot of kids out there who can relate. & There's a lot who had it worse. Shit breaks my heart to think about that stuff. I just know my kids will be loved, nurtured, protected in all the ways I never was.