3am and the lights flash

I am sound asleep and then suddenly woken up.
Theres sounds around me, whispers, they arent real.
Theres lights flashing, 3 am. Time to wake up and prepare myself for this day.
Anxiety grips me, fear of the unknown is so uncertain. Why must i do this?
I put on my brave face, my smile, yet my tears are wounded in a jaded place.
I just cant seem to shake this funk im going through.
I want to have friends, but set alone.
I want to mert Mr. RIGHT but im so guarded and heavily wounded. Ill flirt, ill chat, even exspress my inner being to an extent..but the muscles of my heart are worn out.
I fear, that all my feelings are meaningful, yet those whom i wish to share with..where will it be allowed?
Looks arent everything, but they are a factor..i can doll up for attracting others, or dumb down to remain silent and mediocre..either way its 3am and the lights are flashing, the whispers in my ear arent real..but the heartaches to be loved still...