Do you want to get married?

I'm at a point in my life were I thought I would be married or at least engaged.

But right now it seems unbelievably far away.

A friend just had a baby and he and his fiancé have been considering something small just to make everything more professional.

I know he is afraid, just like he was with having his boy. But as I said to him then everything will fall into place. He is enjoying fatherhood more than he thought he would.

I'm not pressuring him, I said that I would help him to figure out what type of wedding they could do.

I've sent over recommended venues and photographers.

If he goes with my list great if not I've helped. I assume his wife to be will be in charge of these things so I don't expect much but even for ideas on pricing ahead of time.

Looking through the wedding photographs I don't think I'll ever get to be a bride and that's not me being a pessimist, I've just never really 'fit' into that ideal girlfriend model and I don't think I'll make it to wife status.
I'm not popular, I don't have real life friends I meet regularly, my family live far away and I don't seem to understand people.
As a consequence it makes me very insecure.

I'm happier than I've ever been, and I wonder sometimes if my life has been plagued by what's expected of me, rather doing what feels right.
And deep down I think I'm happier on my own, it's nice have someone to call on but I think that's really all I can manage.