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The talent of giving up.

While I do have multiple abilities that can benefit from practice, life happens and I give up on them. Many people would do anything to have the same opportunities and leanings.

Mostly grief stands in my way.

I used to sing, stopped when my sister passed away.

I used to write exquisite classic arabic poetry that was published, stopped because a relationship crumbled.

I learnt gymnastics and playing the piano, stopped when my grandparents passed away.

I used to paint and sketch, stopped as the grief over Ibahnini took its course.

Whenever I try engaging that, all I feel is pain so I don't bother. Other givers know how to transform that pain to gifts, I move away and find something else in me to tie to life.

I do miss what I used to do and to be, sometimes.
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GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M
I get so fed up and furious with everything I give up. Then I feel a sick, demented sort of liberation. It comes full circle, like a stack oveflow error. The only think that keeps me around sometimes must be the sheer hatred of my enemies. I run on spite now like a demonic man-shaped machine.
Miram · 31-35, F
@GeistInTheMachine

I can relate to this too in my lowest of points. Part of why I tell people not to bother making me an enemy. I would only die without a cause. First thought when reading your comment was why do people even make us enemies? Why are they drawn to us in such obsessive manner? Can't answer that for them since I have never felt that kind of commitment towards anyone other than my own father. And his actions were too heavy to be humanized.

It is puzzling how others get hang up over pitiful crap and in their minds it is completely justified.
GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M
@Miram My father remarried a demonic whore who tried to literally lunge at me as my family looked on. She had to be tackled to the ground. She has tried to destroy everything I love systematically. Including my mother.

I know hatred now thanks to her. I hate my father too.

I hope her brain tumor returns grows again twice as hard.

I live to see the day they both pass for the satisfaction of knowing I outlived them and lived betted than those two miserable, vile rats.
GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M
@Miram I hope you feel better and go back to what you love one day.
Miram · 31-35, F
@GeistInTheMachine

We live in a world where love is turned to hatred. But also where hatred can be turned to love.

Maybe both of us will know a day when we are happy and complete, a day when no outside forces can shake our faith in what's best for everyone including ourselves.
@GeistInTheMachine Try to. Set yourself free of hatred.
Anger is okay to an extent but hatred wud kill you much before time and it would continue within you in the next lives too.

Why extending the punishment! Burn it now n here itself for your salvation.
GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M
@Miram Every time I have come close I get persecuted by people like my father and his whore. I was religiously persecuted for being a baptized Christian. They ran me out of town.
GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M
@sspec I pray for that every day but it is hard when the results of persecution are in my face and my twisted landlady is as evil as they.
GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M
@sspec I need to leave this State when Ican. It has brougt me Hell on Earth for years.
GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M
@sspec Let's see.