In a weird space
My writing has taken a back seat to it all. To all the tumultuous bullshit that’s been a total drag and left me a drift into some weird ass place I can’t express accurately into words yet. I supposed that’ll get better when I get into practice with it more. I just need time-time and space to work it out.
Ever catch yourself saying that so much that it’s to a point that you get sick of it but it’s a stark truth that plagues us all. And when we don’t get it in the midst of the automations of our lives, a lot of meaning gets lost.
I’m trying to find mine more, some of that means connecting to the collective again for inspiration I lost long ago.
I gained a lot of weight physically in the process as it took a toll on me, gave up on life, gave into the despairs of my psychological overflow I couldn’t manage. It’s been brewing for a lifetime and it was further actuated by circumstances I could never fathom. It was an awaited thing.
The triumph of such lingering events is that I lost a lot of ideals and thoughts that were never fully mine to begin with, used them as place holders and ran with it. That I can see much clearly now, is an absolute injury and insult-and assault on ones own unique abilities to be themselves for themselves and not by a book or for sake of trendiness.
This I consider a blessing although it came with a massive rude awakening. A much needed one and I feel although my slate hasn’t been swept freely clear( how does that ever happen anyhow) I have more space to allow in the things that actually make more sense to me. Something that was a actual gift from the calamity. Freeing up space to rethink myself and not get ahead of myself. Nothing more than where I’m at in the here and now. It’s a constant practice though and some things remain in practice still as there’s always people, places, situations that likes to test you, your boundaries, and what you think you know along the way. Which can always change, and for the better too.
Anyhow, I’m here, the rest is waiting. I’ll write soon.
Ever catch yourself saying that so much that it’s to a point that you get sick of it but it’s a stark truth that plagues us all. And when we don’t get it in the midst of the automations of our lives, a lot of meaning gets lost.
I’m trying to find mine more, some of that means connecting to the collective again for inspiration I lost long ago.
I gained a lot of weight physically in the process as it took a toll on me, gave up on life, gave into the despairs of my psychological overflow I couldn’t manage. It’s been brewing for a lifetime and it was further actuated by circumstances I could never fathom. It was an awaited thing.
The triumph of such lingering events is that I lost a lot of ideals and thoughts that were never fully mine to begin with, used them as place holders and ran with it. That I can see much clearly now, is an absolute injury and insult-and assault on ones own unique abilities to be themselves for themselves and not by a book or for sake of trendiness.
This I consider a blessing although it came with a massive rude awakening. A much needed one and I feel although my slate hasn’t been swept freely clear( how does that ever happen anyhow) I have more space to allow in the things that actually make more sense to me. Something that was a actual gift from the calamity. Freeing up space to rethink myself and not get ahead of myself. Nothing more than where I’m at in the here and now. It’s a constant practice though and some things remain in practice still as there’s always people, places, situations that likes to test you, your boundaries, and what you think you know along the way. Which can always change, and for the better too.
Anyhow, I’m here, the rest is waiting. I’ll write soon.
