This might be a long one....

....it's me again. This time though.... the narrative may be a tad bit different. Usually my posts are negative self-reflecting rants. While there will still be self-reflection in this post.... this time it feels more like an epiphany, as opposed to just an outright self-insulting tirade. I've finally reached a point in my life where I'm so done with being unhappy that I'm finally willing to do whatever it takes to make that change. So.... once again, I've been thinking and I feel like I can never be my true self. I've always developed a reputation as someone who "doesn't care what others think" or someone who "has the personality of an asshole" and it has happened throughout my entire life. While there's some truth to that reputation, it also leads to the conclusion of me being a living, breathing contradiction.... which I feel might be the reason for my unhappiness. I don't care what others think of me, yet I want to influence and change the world. Most of the time.... I can be an abrasive individual, yet I want to surround myself with others who are motivating, inspiring, and kind. I very frequently shut myself off from the rest of the world, yet I'd enjoy being around others that are like-minded concerning my hobbies and worldly insights. Maybe it all boils down to me just being selfish and wanting the world to revolve around me. I never meant for that to transpire because selfish is never something I wanted to be, but I suppose it does make sense. In the end.... I don't even think I know who I truly am.