A disorderly life
Morning time and night time are always the hardest. In the morning I wake up with what I refer to as a "sleep hangover." No matter how much sleep I get I wake up with my head very foggy feeling absolutely exhausted. Just a fun part of having narcolepsy. It is very hard to function for me in the mornings due to this. My first big task for me is to take all my medicine. It is very hard for me to swallow and if I'm really unlucky I end up throwing it up due to that. After that I go try to figure out breakfast, not an easy feat when your brain feels like cotton and you're completely drained. But I need to eat because if I'm hungry on top of everything else I won't get anything done.
I find myself unable to cook today so I just make an easy microwave meal. It's not exactly good for me, but it's food at least. I wait for my narcolepsy medicine to kick in so I can hopefully be productive. I am able to get water for myself today so that is a promising start. I also have schizoaffective disorder, and what is known as its "negative symptoms" make it very hard for me to care for myself. Getting water is a task I really struggle with, so on days where I am able to easily get it with no issue I feel really great. When I'm not doing well I end up dehydrated, going sometimes days without getting myself water. I don't struggle as much with getting food if it is easy, but if I don't have access to "easy" foods while I'm not doing well I will just not eat.
I've eaten and my meds are kicking in. But I still feel drained. Music helps get me going and productive so I dig out my speaker. I'm washing dishes now. Today is a very good day.
I haven't had many good days recently. I have started trauma therapy again and my stability has been all over the place. Anything that gives me the slightest reminder of my traumas puts me out of commission practically the entire day, and reminders are everywhere, so the apartment is an absolute mess. Today I am being very careful to do my best to avoid triggers so that I can hopefully get as much done as possible. Sometimes even if I do avoid triggers I still have to deal with other symptoms of my illness randomly appearing such as demons tormenting me from my psychosis or intense drowsiness when I've gained tolerance to my narcolepsy med or depression, which drains me of all motivation.
Functioning in day to day life for me is a real struggle. I am currently not working. I needed a break. My job was causing me so much stress it was amplifying all my symptoms and making me physically ill.
I feel very disheartened by where I am right now in life. There are a lot of days where I just feel like giving up all together. But for now I am still fighting.
I find myself unable to cook today so I just make an easy microwave meal. It's not exactly good for me, but it's food at least. I wait for my narcolepsy medicine to kick in so I can hopefully be productive. I am able to get water for myself today so that is a promising start. I also have schizoaffective disorder, and what is known as its "negative symptoms" make it very hard for me to care for myself. Getting water is a task I really struggle with, so on days where I am able to easily get it with no issue I feel really great. When I'm not doing well I end up dehydrated, going sometimes days without getting myself water. I don't struggle as much with getting food if it is easy, but if I don't have access to "easy" foods while I'm not doing well I will just not eat.
I've eaten and my meds are kicking in. But I still feel drained. Music helps get me going and productive so I dig out my speaker. I'm washing dishes now. Today is a very good day.
I haven't had many good days recently. I have started trauma therapy again and my stability has been all over the place. Anything that gives me the slightest reminder of my traumas puts me out of commission practically the entire day, and reminders are everywhere, so the apartment is an absolute mess. Today I am being very careful to do my best to avoid triggers so that I can hopefully get as much done as possible. Sometimes even if I do avoid triggers I still have to deal with other symptoms of my illness randomly appearing such as demons tormenting me from my psychosis or intense drowsiness when I've gained tolerance to my narcolepsy med or depression, which drains me of all motivation.
Functioning in day to day life for me is a real struggle. I am currently not working. I needed a break. My job was causing me so much stress it was amplifying all my symptoms and making me physically ill.
I feel very disheartened by where I am right now in life. There are a lot of days where I just feel like giving up all together. But for now I am still fighting.
