Random
Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

Learning how to blink at problems that are not mine to fix, so paradoxically I can be a better friend

This challenging friendship is certainly teaching me a lot. Heh

It’s hard for me to not go into helper mode when I see a fire or disaster in the making. With this friend I can’t do that though.
Their choices lead to a lot of fires heh🫢🫣
I’m finding that not attempting to help or be hooked into helping will probably make me a better friend to them. When knowing them becomes a burden I start to get silently judgmental and frustrated.

Friendship + judgmental= bad news bears..

Plus, I don’t like feeling judgmental. It feels gross throughout my body. 🤷🏻‍♀️

So I’m learning how to listen, empathize with the moment, and neutrally accept they are going to do what they are gonna do.. heh.
and… I am not going to get reeled into the impending drama, fixing their problems or supplying them attention.

That has also been an interesting fine line for me to explore:
how to offer someone empathy while also not getting sucked into the vortex of attention seeking?’
I’m a walking disaster… some if it, of my own making because I make poor decisions when I’m manic. It’s useless to try to fix me or rationalize with me when I’m like that. A friend who merely listens and gives me their support while I am sad and simultaneously exploding my own life… is such a blessing. We all need to feel supported… even messy girls like me. That’s true friendship. 🖤

WhateverWorks · 36-40
Thank you for sharing that. Even though this person doesn’t have a disorder per se what you said is very relevant. I started to write something longer than reminding myself it’s not my job to therap-ize my friends lol As far as I can tell, their anxiety and avoidant coping are compulsory, leading to a snowball effect of one bad choice/situation after another.
And… (without judgement) it is what it is.

A part of me, that clearly I need to work on lol, feels guilty for not being more helpful. I’m glad I’m working on this issue within myself. I was feeling bad, like the level of friendship I’ve decided to offer was superficial, but your thoughts really helped me recognize the value of ‘this form of friendship’/support.

@JustGoneNow
Jeephikelove · 51-55, F
That’s amazing, it does feel good to set boundaries, doesn’t it. 🤗🤗
WhateverWorks · 36-40
Yeah, this friendship is definitely teaching me a new aspect of having boundaries for myself. I thought I was doing pretty good about the boundary thing. I’ve worked really hard on it, but it’s funny how life presents us opportunities to recognize our weak points and maybe work on them. It’s tempting to cut ties with this person. That would probably be the easier decision, but I’ve known them for a really long time and they are a genuinely kind person. I don’t want to end the friendship unless it becomes unavoidably problematic @Jeephikelove
Jeephikelove · 51-55, F
@WhateverWorks I’m proud of you!! I love it when people are working on things instead of just going with the flow, makes you a cool and interesting person to know. 🤗

I hear ya on the wondering about cutting ties, I’ve had to do that myself with a few people over the last 5-6 months. It does bring a peace that wasn’t there before. I even cut off ties with a family member.
SW-User
🤗 youre awesome
WhateverWorks · 36-40
Nah, but thank you 😊 just trying to see the situation as an opportunity to work on myself @SW-User
SW-User
@WhateverWorks ....denies being awesome, while being awesome

 
Post Comment