Taking control of my life

Guilt is such a bad feeling, and I know I have fallen a victim of it, way too many times.

I really don't know which type I am... Many have viewed me over the years as an intimidating person (not that I think it is a good thing), and when I watched Gimore Girls, I very much related to the personality of a Character named Paris Geller .. She is kind, but is aggressive and intimidating, of course on the show it was exaggerated... But the point is, I think I saw some of me in her.. So I also believe that I do have such an aggressive attitude in me.. On the other hand, I also think that I can be a such a pushover too... Maybe I am too much after pleasing those around me? I let people have their way, too often, at my expense. I don't know if I do it because I like to avoid confrontation or to please people, or out of the goodness of my heart 🤷‍♀️ But I do. I really do not know how can I have these two opposite traits in me, but I do!

I also often feel A LOT of responsibility towards others.. I used to think that this is a good thing, to be responsible and dependable, but I think it is only good when it is in the right place. But to constantly feel responsible for everyone, and feel the need to fix everyone's life, is just very stressful. It has often put me at disadvantage ..

I'd like to stop worrying about everyone else for a change, and to just worry about myself. And I want to do what's in my best interest without any second thoughts. If people can't help themselves, I can't either... I need to learn that taking care of myself, choosing a certain lifestyle, and making changes to make my life happier, is completely my right, and is none of anyone's business.