Self Discovery

Something has changed in me since I decided to only date men for a little while. I have to figure out why if Im not dating a guy that I start to try and erase this part of me that admits to being bisexual. So much so that I have a physical feeling that feels like I’m being punched in the gut if someone hints at me being gay.

I haven’t owned it yet, I have to people I’m close too but not to the world because I am around people who aren’t healthy sometimes, mainly at work.

But since I’ve decided to only date guys for a while to figure out why I haven’t fully owned my sexuality I’ve become a better person to women.

It’s hard to explain exactly how I feel but it’s like now that I’ve taken sex off the table I interact with them differently, I don’t sexualize them like I did before, which now that I’m aware of how I was I’m kind of disappointed in myself for being that way. I get to be free and open, and however masculine or feminine I want to be and my interactions are so much better.

I don’t know what I will discover from this change but I like it so far, and one of the great things about this is that it feels effortless, like I’m settling in to myself. Well except when my old self try’s to sneak in and make me hide again.