Does crying feel "alien" to you?

Over the years, my eyes have learned to "swallow" the tears. So when I let them flow instead, everything feels really weird to me.

I get physically sick, as If I have a cold or allergy and the sensations last till the next day.

I rarely ever allow myself to cry. Maybe that's why.

Among many reasons, I've been faraway from my family, especially mom, due to work circumstances.

I guess this is what hitting me the hardest, even as a grown-äss 32 year old.