How do I deal with not really knowing what I want in my life?

Start slow and just take trips around your area and work your way up to more serious trips.

It's like that for a lot of us and change and the unknown can be scarey, but you need to ask yourself would you be happier at least doing these new things even if they didnt work out how you wish, rather than look back with regret at not doing them at all, you dont have to jump straight into the unknown take little steps. 🤗

I was the same way and I started really small - I would drive around my neighborhood on familiar streets, then day after day, week after week as I'm doing errands or whatever I start taking the side roads that I don't know as well but eventually get back onto a main road. After a while, when I've learned to trust myself more and realize that there is always a way to get back to familiar territory, I take roads I almost never typically take or drive down a big main road for a few minutes and then figure out how to get back home.

I did this to condition myself for a trip I was preparing to go on in Florida with the choir so if I got lost, I could always use landmarks or remember turns and figure out directions that way or just ask people how to get back. Just trust yourself - you know more than you think you know.

I can relate to that. I also feel pleasure from relief when I am about to do something new and then the plan fails. It's like suddenly I can appreciate all things I have and that I am able to do activities I couldn't do if I got occupied with something else with uncertain results. It's a great feeling when the burden of anxiety and anticipation drops off and I don't have to deal with a single thing related to the origin of it. Of course that a pang of disappointment appears but it's usually overshadowed by the relief.

[i]Safe familiarity in the known[/i].

Something we all do in times of adversity.
Even if it’s ultimately unsatisfying.

Kinda hard to suggest you pack a bag and head to the airport; find a standby flight and just see what happens, at the moment. - given the mess covid has created everywhere.

Probably safer to sit tight and wait it out before attempting anything too ambitious.
But there are endless possibilities should ‘normality’ in any form return.