Would you be offended if you were invited to a restaurant

@Gangstress I'm getting married in a registry office because covid I cant have a proper wedding so after we book a table at a restaurant just to celebrate but nothing fancy. My fiance said they should pay for their own meals but they probably will be bringing gifts? Idk what to do

aww congratulations :) xx

That's a tough one! At a wedding id expect the meal to be paid for? Will it be expensive for you guys to pay?

My friends getting married soon and he invited us over but the dinner is paid. just gotta get drinks, could you do that?

Or do a buffet?

@DarkSideoftheMoon

@Gangstress it's at a curry place and it's a special that night. £12 for a appetizer, main with naan or rice and tea or coffee. I'm not originally from the uk so I dont want to offend everyone but it's only 20 people and all my fiances side and he doesnt want to pay

@DarkSideoftheMoon ok that's fair enough
It's not a tradition over here I think it just goes with the expense of the wedding

Do what's gonna be easier for you both. As it's a union of two ,you both have a say x

@Gangstress he invited them but he really doesnt want to pay. I said I'd pay because I dont want to offend them but he says I'm over thinking it because it isnt a venue

@DarkSideoftheMoon oh dear,i think your future hubby needs to put his hand in his pocket lol

Would they get offended tho?

@Gangstress no idea. So what I said he should do then is send an invitation saying they're invited and all that but put "please visit blahblahblah.com for menu and pricing" so the know they have to pay thus can decide if the want to go or not

as long as you tell them in advance, youre good :)

Enjoy the day sweet, and don't worry about these things lol @DarkSideoftheMoon

@Gangstress thanks you really helped me out with this one!

when is your wedding day? :) and no problem, was a good question :) @DarkSideoftheMoon

@Gangstress june 5th 🥳 thx. Btw I'm going to pay for the meals. I just feel bad not paying

@DarkSideoftheMoon I don't think that being known for generosity is a bad thing. You could also frame it as a "thank you" for coming out in this weird, difficult time.

If the £240 is not a huge thing, it might be a very good, ingratiating investment. But don't go into debt in order to feel ok.

@SomeMichGuy yeah that's the thing. It's not an issue with the food, it was more of not wanting a huge bar tab and my fiance not knowing that its traditional to pay. He insisted it was fine to not pay and because I'm not from the uk idk if their traditions are like mine or different but seeing it's the same and my fiance has no idea about that stuff I decided to pick up the food tab but it's a closed bar or byob

@DarkSideoftheMoon Not a bad way to go. 😊

@SomeMichGuy we just have a lot on our plate outside of this, financially.

@DarkSideoftheMoon Well, I think it will be appreciated and you will come off as generous. Better that than cheap. 😊

It is an investment in how you present yourselves to the world; a good start for not terribly much money.

You will get through the financial things, don't worry.

Just stay healthy and may the Lord bless & keep you both & bless your union, richly.

@SomeMichGuy he invites 20 people and doesnt think of his grandad and his grandad wife so now it jumped up and doesnt think of picking up the tab. Now I'm over here buying favors and name place cards. My moms saying more traditions like a gift for my mother in law and his nan as a thank you and I'm like why'd you do this to me !

But thank you. It's TRUE. Just stressed atm

@DarkSideoftheMoon As for OTHERS putting crap on you...it's YOUR wedding, and, even barebones, that's STILL the case.

You two are binding yourselves to each other most tightly, and you have to have loyalty to your spouse & your own relationship over even your respective parents.

If these add-ons are going to be a financial burden, tell your mother that your budget is limited and that giving the guests gifts is not the point of the ceremony and its celebration. If she wants to run your household from afar--or his mom wants to do so from much closer--you have to nip that crap in the bud. Make sure that they know you appreciate their concern, but you will handle your own household, thank you very much.

You are not only your own woman, you will be the head matriarch of your own family, whether you have just the two of you, 2 + plants, 2 + pets, whatever.

The tendency of brides' mothers / mothers-in-law / etc. to hijack the wedding based upon what THEY want is bad for all and does not respect that it is YOUR wedding, YOUR marriage, YOUR relationship, together, and that ALL others are secondary (hence the standard line about "FORSAKING *all* others").

Don't feel bad about standing for both the singular "you" (yourself) and the plural "you" (you & your husband-to-be, then you & your husband). That is the choice you HAVE to make, for the good of your relationship; you *already* chose each other, so doing so again is simply a re-affirmation of your mutual choices & your mutual commitment.

You'll be fine. Take some deep breaths, have some English tea, enjoy the Sun before or after the afternoon rain (May in S. England...lol), and realize that this *will* be behind you pretty soon. 😊

Use that smile & your obvious charm to navigate these waters, and come out the other side your own woman, couple--marriage. Best to you & your very lucky man! 😊😊😊🤗🤗🤗

@SomeMichGuy thank you. That was amazingly written. It's like, I'm wrong if I dont include the family, because they want to be part of my special day. They'd be insulted if I didnt include them but I'm rude and tacky if I cant pay or afford it. It's a lose lose situation. If I said, like I originally did, to have a reception LATER ON everyone felt hurt that they cant be apart of it. Luckily, I have the money to pay for everyone to eat and all that, I just wanted to postpone the celebration so MY family can be part of it too. Weddings seem more for the guests than the couple. I'd just grill hotdogs on a bbq if I had the outdoor space.

@DarkSideoftheMoon
You are welcome; I'm glad that my overly long replies might be of any use. I've seen ppl horn in on weddings, and it creates problems.


lol Grilled hotdogs would be fine with me, and informal = comfortable, which is a good vibe for weddings. They can be stressful enough.

@SomeMichGuy agreed. I love a laid back environment and I enjoyed your long post

@DarkSideoftheMoon lol Well, tyvm! 😊

I hope these last weeks before your special day go well, and that the UK can keep improving, pandemic-wise, all during this time. Take care and laugh a bit, etc., to release the tension which you naturally get around such a big event.

@SomeMichGuy thanks. I love England

@DarkSideoftheMoon And many of us here in the US actually do, as you well know! 😊😊😊🇬🇧

The land of Arthur, the Bede, Chaucer, Caxton, Shakespeare, Bacon, Lovelace, Byron, Tennyson, Keats, Shaw, James, Tolkien...

Of Newton, Halley, Rayleigh, Cavendish, Herschel, Rutherford, Hawking...

Of Hobbes, Locke, Mill...

Of Wm. the Conqueror, Henry VIII, ERI, Wm & Mary, James I & VI, Victoria, ERII...

Of Nelson, Churchill, the Iron Lady...

Of Handel, Clementi, Purcell, Elgar, Broadwood...

Of Wren...

and SOOO many others...Wow!