What would you make of this?

How would I word it though? The anxiety doesn't disrupt my work. She was only saying how good I was with her kid last week....

Yeah, that would be tricky. Obv you dont want to lead off with, 'oh ive been reading your notebook'. Maybe mention it in passing, as a thing you've had and feel you're getting under control?

Where has the panic attacks thing come from though? I don't have them and like I say, I am an anxious person but not to the point of it being an issue. I have worked and managed kids centres for 12 years. Yes, as I said, I am quiet and nervous at times around her but she has come to the conclusion I have issues based on that? @firefall:

@Jenni855: no idea, but ppl have the most absurd misconceptions about anxiety attacks, and I guess she might think the 2 always go together?

or, just conceivably, it's about someone else, I suppose.

I don't know how she can go from someone who is a bit shy to thinking they are full blown anxiety/panic attack prone. @firefall:

@Jenni855: that sort of mental process is usually (unconsciously) linked to previous experiences - like thinking because the girl you knew in school had bad anxiety and panic attacks, everyone with anxiety issues does :/

I find it staggering that because I am a bit quiet, she has jumped to all these conclusions and is trying to get rid of me. @firefall:

@Jenni855: Yeah, people are stupid that way, all too often. We like to think we're rational beings, but we're actually rationalising beings, finding plausible justifications for things decided on emotional reactions.

I really don't know what to do now. I don't know why she bothered saying I was great with her son last week when all along, she wants to get rid of me but is scared to. @firefall:

@Jenni855: It's really tough. I don't understand her thinking, her perceptions there, at all. Maybe the best thing to do is push it on the back burner, see if she actually mentions anything to you?

I can't let this go though. I feel sick that she secretly thinks all this about me. @firefall:

@Jenni855: I cant even imagine how bad that must feel :(

I just don't know what to do with this...@firefall:

@Jenni855: Well, you can't leave it, so you need to find some way to approach the topic with her. Personally I'd tackle it head on but that's just me, & it doesn't sound like your style at all (plus, Im not sure its ever actually a [i]good[/i] idea)

So, indirect methods ... one would be, mentioning your issue with anxiety yourself and stressing that it doesnt include panic attacks. Another would be to ask her how she feels about your performance overall. A third might just be leave the notebook lying around turned to that specific page & see if she picks up on the idea that you've seen it.

Probably other, better, approaches that havent occurred to me :/

I did sort of leave it on the sofa so she can see it but her husband was in before her so may have moved it..
In terms of the anxiety, it does not impact on the care of her kid and the only evidence she would see of it would be me being a bit shy. If she is taking it down the legal route and saying I have panic attacks to them then that is very wrong. I have never had one in my life.

I think I might just ask about performance although she already said I was great with her kid and has given me good feedback before so she is either lying or scared to tell the truth? @firefall:

Yeah, that sounds like the best approach. At least it opens the door for her to address it, if she's going to - and if she isn't, then maybe it's not that much of a deal for her, or maybe it was actually about someone else, at her work (unlikely as it might seem)

It clearly is an issue for her though if she is writing about it and putting a lawyers name down...
I would love to think it is about someone else but seems unlikely. @firefall:

@Jenni855: Yeah :( It seems a very ass-backwards way of dealing with things on her part, but ppl are weird that way. Esp HR people come to think of it

To be honest, she could get away with just saying she no longer needs me. I am not formally employed so why all the drama. I don't get it. Just feel sick. @firefall:

@Jenni855: I figured that'd be the case, with a nanny. That's why I'm thinking that there is some chance that it's someone else of the same name.

None of it makes sense and seems too extreme. Saying I have panic attacks when I don't, getting a lawyer involved, why? And always being super positive about me but writing all that. Worse thing is I will never know if it is me or not, short of admitting I read the notebook....
I hope she will see the notebook and wonder if I read it but I bet her husband moved it....

@Jenni855: Seems all too likely he did :(
When will you see her next?

Tomorrow and it is going to be horrendous. @firefall:

@Jenni855: yeah, that sounds pretty anxiety-making. Please, drop me a line & let me know how it goes/went?

There won't be anything to report though as can't ask her outright...