When you loose a loved one... is it harder on you if you have known them for a long time versus not long or at all?

I know that I lost a lot of you on just reading the question so here is the back story... I was married to the love of my life for 5 years before we got pregnant. While my late wife was pregnant she passed away and unfortunately my son was not developed enough to live if we took him out early. That day I lost my family. I never got to touch or see my son with my hands or see him with my eyes. Yes I seen him on ultrasound but it's not the same. Knowing my late wife for 5 years and making a ton of memories with her and such I got to know her. My son I didn't get to do anything with. I miss them both like hell would not have it. Is it just my way of thinking and feeling that I miss them the same. Or is my way of thinking just jacked up and I should not miss him at all and I am stupid for doing so? What are your thoughts on this? I will not tolerate rude or hateful comments.

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ninalanyon · 61-69, T

Regrets for what might have been are perfectly normal.

My wife died after more than forty years together. My children are grown so I don't have that regret but I have a long list of other regrets for things we never got to do together, things unsaid, places unvisited. It's been two years now and the pain is just now beginning to recede. Questions like yours of course bring it all back to the surface.

Although in the beginning I felt as though I was the only one to feel this sort of pain it is of course not true, most of us will experience something of a similar type, some more intense, some less.

But your pain and regret is yours, no one should tell you you are stupid for feeling them.

The only stupid thing would be to allow your loss to define your long term future in a way that is bad for you. Most people will get over the pain in the end, learn to live with the loss, although they will never forget and life will never be quite the same.