When you loose a loved one... is it harder on you if you have known them for a long time versus not long or at all?

I know that I lost a lot of you on just reading the question so here is the back story... I was married to the love of my life for 5 years before we got pregnant. While my late wife was pregnant she passed away and unfortunately my son was not developed enough to live if we took him out early. That day I lost my family. I never got to touch or see my son with my hands or see him with my eyes. Yes I seen him on ultrasound but it's not the same. Knowing my late wife for 5 years and making a ton of memories with her and such I got to know her. My son I didn't get to do anything with. I miss them both like hell would not have it. Is it just my way of thinking and feeling that I miss them the same. Or is my way of thinking just jacked up and I should not miss him at all and I am stupid for doing so? What are your thoughts on this? I will not tolerate rude or hateful comments.