Struggles & Identity

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Do I really deserve this?

So, backstory.
4 years ago, employed a part time nanny for our now 8 yr old. Husband and I split last year and nanny, Maria, continued to help us by working between the two homes.
It hasn't been easy. Just the other month, Maria said she felt that my ex kept cancelling dates and not paying her for them. I said I would speak to him about it. In fact, I never got round to it as I got confirmation of my house move. I texted Maria about it and told her that now I am moving I would need her to get a bus and train to my new home. She replied saying she needed expenses paid. I replied saying I would just put my child in after care if she couldn't do it.Also that I still wanted the option of calling on her for help as and when I needed it.
She replied saying she was disappointed at being fired by text after so many years and of me saying I would need her help long term just a couple weeks before and then going back on it. Reason I said that was because I wasn't sure if the house move was going ahead.

She is now angry and hurt and I am angry with her for not understanding. Did I really handle things so badly?

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FloridaGuy · 46-50, M

Imagine the bonding your son and nanny have experienced since he was four and the positive impact on his development. We had a nanny for only a year, but she really became more than just an employee. I’d say your nanny deserved a bit more respect and consideration than what it appears you afforded her.

Jenni855 · 36-40, F

@FloridaGuy That's why I said I still wanted to use her for babysitting. I wasn't just going to cut her off.

FloridaGuy · 46-50, M

I really don’t know the whole story, but I’m sure you’ll sort it out. You seemed concerned enough to make it right. @Jenni855

Jenni855 · 36-40, F

@FloridaGuy That is the whole story. I guess I just feel I have been blamed unfairly

Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F

I am sorry to say that while you didn't intend any harm, you perhaps have not realised that your move, which isn't her fault, would mean that she has to pay extra to get there.. that's an extra cost to her, which isn't her fault..
Also, re asking her if she will help out now and then.. while I am sure she loves your child we have to remember that this is her job, her livelihood, it pays the bills and right or wrong she has just been told that effectively she can't do her job, and/or it will cost her a a fair bit extra in train/bus fares..

I think it's something where neither of you had easy choices and perhaps no one could win with this one.. but it isn't really fair to ask her to bear the extra cost of travelling to your new house and a bit insensitive to tell her she's losing her job because of your house move but you will still want her occasionally - kinda like.. I don't need you any more but I'd like you to be there when i call.

Jenni855 · 36-40, F

@Adaydreambeliever I can't afford to pay the extra money. I do understand why she is a bit mad but also feel she hasn't been understanding of my situation.

Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F

@Jenni855 I get that.. I think neither of you really wanted to upset the other.. and I get that as a single mother you would struggle to pay extra.. a real no win situation I think here..

ScarletWitch · 26-30, F

You are in the wrong here. Sorry

View 2 more replies »

Jenni855 · 36-40, F

@ScarletWitch I still think she is being unfair on me. The other stuff was out of my control.

ScarletWitch · 26-30, F

@Jenni855 what you did is uncalled for. You seem selfish. Good day.

Jenni855 · 36-40, F

@ScarletWitch Sorry you feel that way.

SW-User

I notice a theme here

Jenni855 · 36-40, F

@SW-User ?

Jenni855 · 36-40, F

@SW-User You haven't explained your answer.

english · 56-60, M

well it does sound that you assumed a lot from Maria,you wanted a commitment ,from her, and like she said you when it did nt suit you, you just dumped her.I also agree if she needs to take bus and train thats her time she is not being paid for ,i think expenses would have been the right thing to do . 🤔

Jenni855 · 36-40, F

@english As I said, I couldn't afford that.

FloridaGuy · 46-50, M

Yeah. Seems like you did.

Jenni855 · 36-40, F

@FloridaGuy Please explain.

SW-User

Just forget about her and find someone new.

Jenni855 · 36-40, F

@SW-User I am putting him in after care now.

SW-User

Good for you!@Jenni855

HoraceGreenley · 56-60, M

I don't think there was anything you could do.

Jenni855 · 36-40, F

@HoraceGreenley Exactly.

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