Have you ever just randomly started crying because you have been holding in all of these emotions and pretending to be happy for way to long?

Yeah, that happened to me once. It wasn't really that I was pretending to be happy, but more like I was just bottling up how disappointed I was in myself, my shame, and my sadness. I didn't have anyone to talk to, and I still don't. A few weeks ago, I just started crying and it felt like I couldn't stop. I would stop for a few hours, then start back up again and that lasted a week or two.