I have active death wish. Not like any of those Bronson movies, but...

I can't think how much pain I can take. The threshold is enormous at the time and I am way beyond it. I have to get rid of it. Not a suicide message, that takes a lot more courage than I have. I am just saying, that there are people you can save and some you can't. I'm one of the latter ones, reaching for that last ladder spoke. Feeling the way, how... I don'tknow. No fake sym posts, its just how I feel, so carry on and be happy about it. And no more huggy bears. I feel ready to... Be done.