Did you ever thought you are special and better than others? Is it sinful to feel like that?

Sounds pretty narcissistic

I've spent the lions share of my life being made to feel quite the opposite by my mother and by the exs, but somehow they could not prevent my feelings of superiority (in certain areas) bubbling over. I have decided that it is a way of balancing. We MUST feel good about ourselves. If we do not, we will be too crushed to survive.

I’ve have other people make me feel that way. Unfortunately it was a lie. It’s always a fucking lie.

Sometimes it's honest assessment. Sometimes it is arrogance. Sometimes it's what is called 'uniquing' (You neek ing) It's just a human coping mechanism, and probably better than a lot of other coping mechanisms. People need acceptance, approval, and validation. Uniquing is when we just give it to ourselves. You should research the 'johari window'. If you get the notion check it out.

I am and I feel no shame nor contrition

I don't know about sinful, but it is certainly an illusion. Even the 'better' suggests that there would be someone better in relation to you.

I did. Maybe I still do sometimes. Don't know if it's sinful but I know I hate it.

Sometimes yeah. But we’re all people in the end with the same right to be here and whatnot.

Yes it’s called “pride”.

Depends on better at what. I definitely was better at certain things than people I used to be surrounded by. At the same time, I was aware that I was an one-eyed among the blind because there were far better people out there.

Kinda