How close can you get to suicide?

My job is killing me, but it keeps the lights on and a roof over our heads. I hate it. I have nightmares about it and I have to take anxiety medication on my way to work. My wife made me agree not to quit unless it was a literal choice between quitting and taking my life. I have been close to taking my own life before - like pistol in my mouth close - I just don't know how close I need to be to justly quitting a job I hate. I don't have other options for work right now. Jobs for pharmacist are few and far between right now. Even if I am willing to move they are hard to get. I cannot see myself living like this, on adderall and anxiety medication, for very long. I have thought about killing myself more since I took this job than ever before. My wife cares - just about security more than my sanity I think.