Some hard truths I learned after three consecutive care-giving experiences with husband, mother and brother, all of whom died in the end.
You can't make them live.
You can't make them mentally healthy.
You can't stop the pain or the fear.
Yes, you have needs too, and you should.
You CAN facilitate - e.g. there are meds to help appetite. There are drinks and supplements to help with nutrition.
You can do your best to ensure they're comfortable and clean.
A half hour visit every day is better than staying with them till you drop. Most of the time they're sleeping anyway. You are killing yourself for YOU, not them.
And, maybe the most important...an ambulance driver told me...after we pick someone up at the same address three or four times...the next call is for the caregiver.
How does that help anybody?
