Dude, people are freaking out. If you're that close call the suicide prevention line. You posted this because you know there's still hope. There is always change, and there is always a new day.
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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) Veterans press 1 to reach specialised support.
(The older number, 1-800-SUICIDE, is no longer published by the lifeline agency and will probably stop working in the near future.)