Life is tough, and there are many days I think the same. You can choose to have a negative or positive perspective on it though. You ever hear the Buddhists say life is an illusion? When you realize life is an illusion you then reach nirvana. I like to interpret that as once you realize you are the one holding yourself back you can find peace in life. We can take all our bad experiences and use them. Make them shape us in better ways. The bad things in our lives dont have to define us. Learn from them. Its important to not hold back on your emotions and experience them. It gives you the gift of empathy. You can change things. I know its hard, but life can get better. Achieving happiness is possible.
There are millions of people in the world. Explore it..find a crowd if that really what you want. No one needs to love you. You need to love yourself. People are temporary but you'll always have yourself. Find live in art, travel, or try loving people the way you wish someone loved you by helping people just like you. Become the person you wish you had.