If life is about freedom then why am I not free to take my own life?

Hmm. Interesting. It is probably about that but it doesn't feel like it right now. You know why I used drugs? Because they made me feel loved. Not as if I was in love with someone - as if someone was in love with me. Do I want pity? Not really. Do I expect pity? None. Is this my solution to loving two women? Maybe yes .@PoetryNEmotion

@Genieinabottle You do not know what LOVE is! Your claims to love two women. And what about your son? Drugs are an escape. And they are temporary and they destroy lives. The lives of those who take them and their loved ones too. I have no pity for you. Suicide is no solution to your disaster. You cannot even answer truthfully. Go get help if you need it. Or hang around here hoping someone will give you something you wish you had. Your choice. Your life.

@PoetryNEmotion sounds like this hits pretty close to home for you PoetryNEmotion

@Genieinabottle I am speaking my opinion. You post your question and I answer based upon what I know about you. I speak strongly. What? Do you wish to have me pity you because you speak of harming yourself? You toy with those two women. You claim you are a victim. A victim of what? You make choices. Your life. You could exercise your freedom to...never mind. You are a weak man. And I cannot feel sorry for you, but I do for your wife and the other woman. You love no one but yourself. That is sad.

Now Poetry' I see myself as totally different than you do. I am staying with my wife because we are married and I committed to stay. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts - that is a struggle all on its own - it isn't really related to the issues I have with my wife. I have always been on and off suicidal. I am medicated for it but nothing works 100% obvi'. You say I am a weak man? I guess you can think that and I can't stop you but I disagree. I think it takes a great deal of strength......nah....i really don't care what you think. If you are critical or supportive of me the world will keep spinning.

@Genieinabottle your not a weak man your a strong man and loving two woman was never a crime in the past men used to marry up to thousands woman it's in their blood they love women but you stayed in the marriage you don't like that's is weak if your marriage not working move on life is too short to spend with someone we don't love but if you leave you bare the consequences of being divorced and in debt

@Genieinabottle You stay with your wife because you are too chicken to leave her. It is easier to stay. You are weak. You commit to nothing. You just stay because of a promise that meant nothing. Blackmail. So your wife is unhappy. You are unhappy. The other woman is happy and at least she is moving on. It is your life. You make of it what you will. The world goes on. Take responsibility for what you do. That's all. Bye.

I don't necessarily stay with her out of fear Poetry'. I do still love her. She is the mother of my child, my only child and I believed for many years that she was "the one". Our marriage was very good for about a decade. Our sex life was good for a little less. Now we just kind of exist. I haven't given up on my marriage - even when I fell in love with Shopgirl I always knew deep down that I wasn't going to leave for her. Not sure why I let myself get so freaking wrapped up in Shopgirl. I love her too, still. I am serious when I say that I love hem both. I want to feel loved again. The wife doesn't make me feel loved , probably because she doesn't love me anymore. Shopgirl made me feel a renewed love - being unloved is a bad place to be.@PoetryNEmotion