is it okay?
im 16 years old, and i haven't dated anyone yet and i dont mind it actually!
i dont have the "desire" to be in a romantic realtionship, or having sex, im fine by myself. i like to imagine, what would that be like, but i could never stand it in real life, for me it's not worth it. i barely can "truly" love someone in a romantic way. it's just not my thing. people can really drain my energy, i am a very(!) introverted person. i dont think i could sleep with someone either, it makes me really uncomfortable.
the other thing, i think i'm too young to be in a healty realtionship, and in my opinion, i should learn to love myself before i try find a partner. i have a really bad self-esteem so even if i wanted, i clearly know that, i am not ready for this. i wouldnt be able to open up, and probably i would just faking my entire personality for them to like me, and this would be unhealty(i do this with everyone) so this is a big no.
but nowadays, at my age or even younger, everyone has or had a realtionship, at least one. even 12-13 years olds too. i'm not really sure, if is this okay. i mean, maybe i "should" want to be in one, or i "should" fall in love with someone truly, but i dont want to. is this normal to feel this at my age? everyone says puberty didnt work on me, maybe they are right. i dont know, but it's actually makes me sad and lonely to see all the happy couples around me. it hurts, because i think i should be one of them. but i cant.
im not sure about my sexuality either. maybe im an aro/ace person, but maybe i just have meet the right person yet. im not sure if i felt love before. i have only one friend, she's a girl but she means a lot to me. i think maybe i do(!) love her, but what if it's just because she is my only friend? she already had two realtionship, and it was painful to see them together, but i didnt wish it was me. i fantasized about to be with her, but i real life, i wouldnt. she is actually younger than me (3 years) and even if she is way more mature then her age, we are not(!) equal so there is no way. i would never. we share some similarity, but we also have different personality, there are things that i could never stand about her, if we were a couple. we work better as friends. she can be cruel sometimes, and hurt my feeling, but she dont notice(and i try to hide it, because i dont want lose her)
but still, i hate her, and i love her at the same time, i cant decide if this is "romantic" love or i just love her as my best friend? i mean i find her attractive (not in a sexual way!) she is beautiful and pretty, her style is amazing, she is perfect! i wish i could be like her.
i never felt this with anyone else before.
maybe i am a lesbian and aro/ace at the same time, i barely find boys attractive, only in fiction, but still, i dont think i would date any of them, im kinda scared of them.
i know this is really confusing, i cant understand it either. its not easy for me to express my feelings but i finally talked about this and that feels good.
my last quastions:
is it okay to not being in love?
is it okay to not even undertsand what love is?
is it okay to not understand my onw sexuality?
is it okay if dont want a realitionship like the others?
i dont have the "desire" to be in a romantic realtionship, or having sex, im fine by myself. i like to imagine, what would that be like, but i could never stand it in real life, for me it's not worth it. i barely can "truly" love someone in a romantic way. it's just not my thing. people can really drain my energy, i am a very(!) introverted person. i dont think i could sleep with someone either, it makes me really uncomfortable.
the other thing, i think i'm too young to be in a healty realtionship, and in my opinion, i should learn to love myself before i try find a partner. i have a really bad self-esteem so even if i wanted, i clearly know that, i am not ready for this. i wouldnt be able to open up, and probably i would just faking my entire personality for them to like me, and this would be unhealty(i do this with everyone) so this is a big no.
but nowadays, at my age or even younger, everyone has or had a realtionship, at least one. even 12-13 years olds too. i'm not really sure, if is this okay. i mean, maybe i "should" want to be in one, or i "should" fall in love with someone truly, but i dont want to. is this normal to feel this at my age? everyone says puberty didnt work on me, maybe they are right. i dont know, but it's actually makes me sad and lonely to see all the happy couples around me. it hurts, because i think i should be one of them. but i cant.
im not sure about my sexuality either. maybe im an aro/ace person, but maybe i just have meet the right person yet. im not sure if i felt love before. i have only one friend, she's a girl but she means a lot to me. i think maybe i do(!) love her, but what if it's just because she is my only friend? she already had two realtionship, and it was painful to see them together, but i didnt wish it was me. i fantasized about to be with her, but i real life, i wouldnt. she is actually younger than me (3 years) and even if she is way more mature then her age, we are not(!) equal so there is no way. i would never. we share some similarity, but we also have different personality, there are things that i could never stand about her, if we were a couple. we work better as friends. she can be cruel sometimes, and hurt my feeling, but she dont notice(and i try to hide it, because i dont want lose her)
but still, i hate her, and i love her at the same time, i cant decide if this is "romantic" love or i just love her as my best friend? i mean i find her attractive (not in a sexual way!) she is beautiful and pretty, her style is amazing, she is perfect! i wish i could be like her.
i never felt this with anyone else before.
maybe i am a lesbian and aro/ace at the same time, i barely find boys attractive, only in fiction, but still, i dont think i would date any of them, im kinda scared of them.
i know this is really confusing, i cant understand it either. its not easy for me to express my feelings but i finally talked about this and that feels good.
my last quastions:
is it okay to not being in love?
is it okay to not even undertsand what love is?
is it okay to not understand my onw sexuality?
is it okay if dont want a realitionship like the others?
18-21
